Five

The other day I realized that it had been a really long time since I’d dredged up the old thoughts about my choice to leave medical school. Which is no small thing, considering that a little over four years ago it was all I thought about. What I wanted more than anything back then was a clear answer, and I thought if I only mulled it over long enough, talked to enough friends over coffee, spent enough time on a therapist’s couch, that I would come up with The Correct Thing To Do. But every night as I lay in bed trying to make my mind fade to black, the resounding refrain was always I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know.

My brainstuffs seem to be jammed with a different set of trappings now. There isn’t one overwhelming, looming question clogging up my forward momentum, it’s more like normal bouncing around of little bits of regular old life stuff like am I’m raising my kids well or will we ever be out of debt. (Answer: nope.) But the one thing that seems to have quelled a bit is the fear that going to medical school in the first place was a mistake. Maybe I should have stayed—who knows? I’ll never see the life I gave up by walking away. What I can see is the life I’ve chosen now, after deciding to leave. Every passing year has given me a multitude of things for which to be immensely grateful, including a girl, a new place to live, and an amazing job. Those things weigh mighty heavy when measured against a stack of imagined what ifs of a road not taken.

And I imagine the weight of that goodness will only increase and multiply as the days go forward. Because there is so, so much more to come.

Music: So Let Us Create by Jukebox the Ghost

13 comments

1 Leigh Ann Laney { 10.17.11 at 7:04 am }

I AM TOTALLY CRYING!!!!!!!!!!! I’d say Rosie is a little excited :)

2 Dorothy { 10.17.11 at 7:12 am }

FOR THE LOVE!

So yesterday, I cried during my sermon and I just couldn’t hold it together the rest of the service. Then it was pastor appreciation day and the congregation had secretly filled boxes with notes, cards, and gift cards (holla!) and I cried the whole afternoon while reading those.

And now this, crying in my office on a Monday morning. That was just beautiful – we are so excited for you and can’t wait to meet your newest Ellis.

3 Laura { 10.17.11 at 7:30 am }

OMG! I totally didn’t see that one coming! My jaw dropped right at my desk :) I’m so happy for you!!!

4 Amanda { 10.17.11 at 8:03 am }

Now that’s just lovely. Great way to start a Monday morning. I’d be crying even if I weren’t full of 8-month-pregnant-hormones…but am crying all the more because of them. Congratulations to wonderful y’all. Can’t wait to watch your family grow!! Much love to y’all!!

5 Lane { 10.17.11 at 10:28 am }

You have much to celebrate, and I’m jumping up and down the Rosie, too! Congratulations, yall! I can’t wait to meet the newest member of Yestertime fun. Love yall!

6 Elizabeth Hartman { 10.17.11 at 10:32 am }

Yay! Congratulations! I’m so excited that your family is going to be bigger – these two kids are awesome, so I’m sure the littlest one will be awesome, too. :-)

7 Ashlyn { 10.17.11 at 11:58 am }

So wonderful–congratulations!

8 Morgan { 10.17.11 at 1:28 pm }

Love the video! Want to come make videos for me? Congrats! We are all so excited for you all!

9 Mandy { 10.17.11 at 1:49 pm }

GAH!! Such sweetness and love!

10 Brie { 10.17.11 at 7:59 pm }

OK, now that I’ve dried my eyeballs…congratulations to ALL of you!

Five is a such a great number.

<3

11 gmo { 10.17.11 at 8:36 pm }

My love cup runneth over!

12 Ryann { 10.18.11 at 1:46 pm }

I read the comments before watching the video, but after reading wall posts and the previous blog (I think it was the previous). Anyway, I read Dorothy’s comment and thought “She must be pregnant, too. I’m not crying. What’s with all the crying?” Then I watched the video. Now I’m crying, too, of course. The look on both of their faces was just priceless. I am soooo glad you captured that on video. Way. To. Go. Oh yea, and congratulations :). Again :).

13 Mandy { 11.16.11 at 11:28 am }

I just went back and re-watched this (the first time, I ran like a bunch a still shots set to music, which was awesome in a 1920s silent-film-sort-of-way). And I cried. And cried. The sweeping of Rosie’s hair out of her face, the triumphant run around the bases. Tricycles and victories and everyday life, then the greatest most life-changing news. GAH! In sharing your story, you’ve helped me appreciate mine.

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