Problems, solutions

The Adult Guide to a Responsible and Appropriately Enjoyable Weekend

So yeah, we were grown-upping it up this weekend. Nice Friday night at home in front of the TV with a sensible bedtime? Check. Community One Mile Fun Run and 5K early Saturday morning? Check. Swim lessons for the kids followed by a nice PB&J lunch at home? Check and check. Careful research and Consumer Reports ratings studying followed by a trip to the car dealership for a few test drives around the block of the various models we’d narrowed it down to? Checkeroo. Stop at the grocery store on the way home for a nice trout and steamed vegetables for din-din? Checkerama. Church on Sunday? Holy check. Planting a flag on the summit of Mount Laundry for most of the afternoon before gearing up for a productive work week? And again I say: check.

The takeaway from all this is 1. we had a busy, no-nonsense weekend filled with frolics and healthy, active … activities. And 2. HOT DAMN WE ARE FREAKING GETTING A SECOND CAR FOR THE FIRST TIME IN OUR ALMOST TEN YEARS OF MARRIAGE SLAP ME UP TOP HOMESLICES!!!!!!!1!!!!!1!!!!!!

Ahem. I am very pleased about this particular development and hope to discuss it further as things progress.

Things I Cannot For the Life Of Me Remember To Do Now That I Am Past 30 and My Brain Holes Are Filled With Goo

– Turn in library books
– Get the oil changed
– RSVP for things
– Get kid birthday presents prior to an hour before the kid’s party (clarification: I’m talking about other people’s kids. I get Rosie and Noah’s presents at least three hours before.)
– Floss
– Cut the kids’ fingernails/hair/toenails (Kids! They have major upkeep!)
– Make dentist/doctor/hair/eye appointments (Selves! They have major upkeep!)

Hang On To Your Hats, I Am About To Become That Mom

Oh, you guys. I actually considered not talking about this, because of the obnoxiousness factor and all, but good lord will Noah not leave it alone with the doing long division. Any time we have a slow moment in the day he wants to do division problems. It has now become his bedtime ritual of choice that the designated To Bed Putter do division problems with him on a legal pad, or sometimes work out these little division visuals with his Hot Wheels cars lined up on the carpet. I finally told him that division was only a daytime activity, and that bedtime was for calmer things, like addition. (HA. That was a little joke. All of math whips your brain into a frenzy and is totally inappropriate for winding down from a long day. And don’t you forget it.) Of all the parenting declarations I’ve heard come out of my mouth, these “NO MORE MATH” ones are by far the most ridiculous. There have been more than two occasions where he has come close to tears because I implemented the No Math Worksheets Before Bed Rule. But look, kid. You are six. Give it a rest with the crazy arithmetic. Besides, I’m going to get fairly useless real fast once we go much farther than algebra I, so let’s just take it on down a notch, Bobby Fischer, and toss around a few good poop jokes while we have the chance.


1 Dorothy { 03.28.11 at 6:04 pm }

Your kid is crazy. Who taught him long division in the first place?

I told this story to Russ and his first question was “what is long division”. Our kids are screwed.

2 gmo { 03.28.11 at 7:31 pm }

He DOES have the genes for it but NOT from me!

3 Leigh Ann Laney { 03.28.11 at 8:49 pm }

I don’t know if I laughed harder at your post or Dorothy’s comment!!!!!!!!!!!!

4 Leigh Ann Laney { 03.28.11 at 8:53 pm }

Also, I’m thinking it’s not so much your kids being screwed as it is Russ’s future patients!

5 Jo(s)e(ph) { 03.28.11 at 11:13 pm }

For the first section, I believe you’re missing a line”

“Wholesome M&M cookie lunch with best uncle ever? Check, please!”

6 racher { 03.29.11 at 8:30 am }


Jo(s)e(ph)—Indeed. Well played.

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