Your daily dose of WTH?

I’d say that about 98% of the time, I open my “Add New Post” box with the intention of writing about a specific topic. Granted, that topic may be burritos. Or loogies. But I usually know at least the gist of what I’ll write. This is what happens the other 2% of the time. What am I going to blather on about? Who knows? It’s a free for all! (Free for me? Free for meeeeee!)

Let’s see. Well, my nose is stopped up, so there’s that. But only on one side, which makes me feel like I’m listing slightly to the left. Perhaps I should carry around my 2-lb Shred weight (Oh, the Shred. Remember when I did that?) in my right hand all day, and when people inquire about it I’ll say “Just balancing out the snot!”

I will make lots of friends.

Speaking of making friends, I have stopped texting. (That was a loose association, but we’ve segued. Hang on.) This was totally due to the fact that last month I sent and received 781 texts. Seven hundred. Eighty. One. You guys, what am I? A thirteen year old girl? No. No, I am not. So pretty much right after I got that bill I put the kibosh on texting. This is unfortunate, because I love it. I admit it! I love texting! I mean, you guys. The very next day after I gave up the text, one of my friends (BUZ) sent me a picture message of his 13 month old totally chowing down on a giant burrito. Normally, I would have replied in a nanosecond (YES! GET IT GIRLFRIEND! YOU KNOW WHERE THE GOOD STUFF’S AT!) but instead: stony silence. It’s like I DON’T EVEN CARE. But I do! I do so care about baby burrito face-stuffing! And so I confess it here publicly.

Hey, I made some banana bread. It’s done. BRB.

Ok, back. What is that all about, anyway, me being able to make breads and absolutely nothing else? I make a mean cornbread, people ask for “my” chocolate bread recipe every Christmas (totally filched that one from a co-worker of days past), and my (L’s grandmother’s, rather) banana bread is so moist it makes grown men weep. And yet, I made the most disgusting plate of spaghetti ever slopped on a plate last Tuesday. Dude, it’s spaghetti. It’s not rocket science. What gives, long thin noodles and jar of sauce? Do I not brown you as others do, ground beef? Do I not join sauce to noodle in the correct ratio? Have I created discord ‘twixt the two? Fie! Woe!

I hate cooking.

Welp! I’ll leave you all with these tidbits to mull over! I’m expecting lots of comments. Like maybe 47.

8 comments

1 ginnymom { 02.01.11 at 7:56 am }

You know I don’t text much… mostly in reply to texters. But here’s a tidbit I discovered this morning. If you don’t have a full keyboard, texting the word “cabbage” uses the same key for the first 5 letters. Yep.

2 Leigh Ann Laney { 02.01.11 at 8:13 am }

dude. how do you mess up spaghetti? 😉

3 racher { 02.01.11 at 9:45 am }

EXACTLY my point.

4 Mandi Davis { 02.01.11 at 9:04 pm }

Dude, I am constantly sorry that I didn’t get to be your IRL friend before I moved to VA from ATL. You so completely rule.

If it makes you feel better, I have a friend who can mess up macaroni from a box andis hopelessly inept at TEA. As in, put the bag in hot water and let it sit a while. Where’s the room for error, I ask you?

5 Melinda { 02.01.11 at 9:29 pm }

On the spaghetti front, I normally just throw into the browning meat in a small, thinly sliced and diced shallot (so much easier than figuring out the proportion of onion to garlic)(and salt and pepper). I also add a can of italian spiced diced tomatos to the bottled sauce and mix it all together to simmer for 10 minutes or so (I know that people say you have to combine the flavors for “days”, but I decide what I’m eating for dinner while wandering around Publix every evening around 6pm, so there is no serious simmering happening at my house). People seem to like it. I also mix up the noodles quite a bit. The more meat I use, the more I tend towards angle hair. The less meat, I tend to towards penne or rotelli b/c they tend to pick up more of the sauce.

6 amy { 02.02.11 at 11:08 am }

The only red sauce I like is like this: cook half an onion or a shallot on med-low in a lot (3T?) of butter till it’s just starting to brown. Add a can of whole tomatoes, simmer 30 minutes. Toss with pasta and top with a lot of cheese. I know it doesn’t sound like much, but it’s so good. I think because of the butter.

I know this wasn’t really the point of this post.

7 stink { 02.02.11 at 1:12 pm }

Um, i have weeped over the banana bread. And, this made me laugh. And, i love you, even if you’ve quit texting about burritos. There.

8 Jo(s)e(ph) { 02.03.11 at 1:29 am }

two thoughts:

1) after reading the “free for meeee” comment, all i could think about for a few minutes was that commercial–“you’re free cheesy bread, you’re free! go!”

2) a mere 781? 13-year-olds would scoff at you. a friend of mine’s cousin (high school age-ish) once sent seventeen THOUSAND in a month. do the math, it’s like a text every 2 minutes for a month straight. that’s a full time job for your thumbs. but the pay sucks.

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