Not the sharpest in the drawer

Last night I got a call on my cell phone from an unidentified number, and when I picked up, a very polite young man introduced himself by name and told me that he knew one of my friends and that she had given him my number because I was really nice and would probably help him out. That was all it took for me to regard his call as legit, because, let’s face it – I AM really nice. Like, pretty much second to none, except for maybe Mother Teresa or that Progressive Insurance lady. I mean, not to toot my own horn or anything, but one time in college I needed to move my clothes from the washer to a dryer in the community laundry area, but they were all full with clothes that people had dried and then forgotten. So I took out the clothes in one of the machines and instead of throwing them on the floor, I put them in a pile up on top of the machine. And I made sure none of them fell off! I know. I’m thinking of adding that little nugget to my future cover letters.

So anyway, he gave me a spiel about how he was a college student working over the summer for a company that sells knives, and how for every presentation he gave to a potential customer they would give him scholarship money, even if he didn’t actually sell any product. (Which I told him he wouldn’t if he came here.) He was extremely courteous and well spoken, and after he explained that he actually kind of needed to do fifteen presentations by Friday, I decided, heck – I can listen to a 40 minute kitchen product presentation for the good of a young man’s higher education. I mean, honestly, once my kids found out there would be someone new and different coming over to show us shiny goodies from a briefcase (Right? I’m imagining knives travel by briefcase. But maybe he has a big wooden trunk instead, like a magician? Or maybe we have to go out and stand at his pop-out display stand in the trunk of his car?) they would be STOKED. He even asked me to put a penny in the refrigerator so that he could show me a “trick.” A good deed for a nice young man AND free child entertainment? Win-win! I agreed to watch the presentation and set up a time for him to come over.

L walked in the kitchen toward the end of the conversation and picked up my closing remarks about which streets to turn on to get to our house and what car to look for, etc. and after I hung up he asked what it was all about. So I told him. To which he replied, “So, just to clarify: you just gave detailed directions to our house to a guy you’ve never met before so that he can bring a trunk full of knives into our house to show you how well they cut things.”

“I……might have. Maybe. Done that. Yes. I think I did just do that.”

And then I secretly took my phone in the other room to call…a friend. About….a thing.

It turns out this guy is legit, which is good, because it saves my credibility. And also maybe my life. So the lessons I learned about myself from this small encounter are: 1. I can confirm that I am, in fact a nice person, 2. I may sometimes, in fact, be TOO nice a person and 3. I will let you come to my house with dangerous weapons as long as you are polite and make promises of cuting a penny in half for me so that I can squeal and clap my hands together like a small child for funzies.

I’m still not buying any knives though. I know when to stand my ground, dammit.


1 Neely Stansell-Simpson { 06.28.10 at 4:22 pm }

One time when we lived in Tampa, Dave and I let a vacuum cleaner salesman into our house. He seemed nice and he said if he did a certain number of presentations he’d get to go on a trip to Vegas. 4 HOURS LATER at 11:30 p.m. we finally got rid of him and realized that maybe we were a little too nice. But he vacuumed every room in the house and even demonstrated how dirty mattresses are by cleaning our mattresses. The vacuum was for sale for $5,000. It was made by NASA and could suck up 10lb steal balls (because that’s an important feature in a vacuum). I was kind of worried about the cat though who is 10lbs. We assured him we could not afford a $5,000 vacuum so by the end of the evening he offered us a special deal, $3,000 but that was a low as he was willing to go.

2 Linda { 06.29.10 at 8:41 am }

You make me laugh! People walking by wonder what’s going on at my desk!

3 alianora { 06.30.10 at 8:18 am }

LMAO! I bet it’s the same company the exboyfriend sold knives through for a while. And I’m pretty sure he got in the same way.

Be sure to take pictures of your new knives.

4 patois { 06.30.10 at 9:21 am }

This is too funny. And it sounds precisely like something I would do. And that husband of mine would be saying the same thing as yours did.

5 Jill Tolbert { 07.10.10 at 9:41 pm }

But he WAS nice, wasn’t he? He even got me to buy a $29 vegetable peeler. I probably would have given him the $29 towards his college tuition, but it felt more legit to do it that way.

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