Derailed by junk mail

There have been lots of changes happening around here in the past few weeks, some of which I will be writing about in the coming days. The majority of them are good, and some of them are even pretty great. But for some reason I have been finding it hard to sit down and type anything into this posting page, even with all the material I have at my disposal, and today I think I figured out at least some of the reason.

I went out to get the mail today, and buried between my student loan repayment bill and some Target coupons was another letter from some misguided source that thinks I am still a medical student.  I get them all the time, solicitations from the AMA and the like. They’ve followed me through a move, even though I never updated any kind of address with them, and out of laziness I’ve never really taken any real action to stop them from coming to my mailbox.  But today I got a letter congratulating me on my upcoming graduation, with offers for fancy frames for my newly minted M.D. degree. Because if I were still in school, I’d be needing one of those in less than a month.

Here is what I know:

I am grateful to have had time with my kids while they are small.
Rosie would not even exist if I had not left med school.
I would not have started writing had I not left med school.
I have learned an unbelievable number of things about myself and who I am in the last three years.

But I also know:

That letter made me sad.
I still wonder all the time about what could have been.
There are times when I feel an overwhelming sense of regret about my decision.

Because no matter how amazing the alternative turns out to be, it’s just really, really hard to give up a dream.

April 14, 2010   13 Comments