Posts from — April 2010

As I was doing some light site maintenance the other day (soon to be followed by some heavy site maintenance, GET EXCITED) I noticed that my Flickr links were looking rather dated. As in, the thumbnails that were showing included a picture of Rosie standing still AND looking at the camera, and that hasn’t happened since she was but a wee spiky-haired thing. It has truly been in a poor, neglected, forlorn state. So I decided to give it a little love and update it with the photos I’ve been taking since the still-ish spiky-haired Rosie shot, and then discovered that SOMEBODY’S been a little bit shutter-happy around here. Therefore, instead of adding all 84290q9725 pictures at once, I’ve decided to add only around a hundred at a time so I don’t go crazy from all the clever-caption concocting.

So if you’re feeling so inclined to take a trip down Yestertime memory lane and remember ye olde days of glorious myth and legend (December-January, give or take) I invite you to prop up your feet, pop open a tasty beverage and go enjoy a couple (or if you’re my parents, all 110) shots of godonlyknowswhat, here.

So here’s something that’s up: L has withdrawn from law school. I have avoided writing about this for two weeks now, because I was (am) having a hard time figuring out how to talk about something that has such a profound impact on my day to day life but is really someone else’s personal story. But it’s become harder and harder to leave this fact out of my writing here, and the main reason is because life is completely different for all of us (and in a lot of ways, better). The leave is temporary, meaning that he is planning to re-enroll in January 2011 and restart the second semester of his first year.

A lot of you (probably the majority of you) who read Yestertime know L personally, and know what his strengths are (short list: smarts, sharp wit, smarts, intelligent debate skills, smarts, taste in women). You’re probably also aware of at least one of his particular weaknesses, especially if you attended school with him. Ever since I have known L (and long before), he has struggled with deadlines – specifically, deadlines that involve writing. It’s the kind of pesky thing that a person can manage pretty well when they’re younger and have parents to help keep them on task and have all the time in the world for accomplishing personal goals. It’s not an unusual trial to be plagued with – everyone has dealt with it at some point in their life. But then that person goes on to college, where they are now in charge of their own time  management, and it gets a little harder. But it’s still ok, because their time is still their own for the most part, and they can use most of their resources and energy toward getting through each paper and each assignment. And so college is a success, and they are even voted “Most Likely To Succeed” and the stories of extended deadlines and all-nighters become legend, something to laugh about while patting the person on the back with a touch of admiration. After all, when the papers are finally turned in, they are brilliant.

But then comes graduate school. And a wife who needs a partner who doesn’t stay up all night to work. And the deadlines get harder and harder to meet. And then come KIDS, those crazy time-stealers, and it becomes clear that the compensation that worked before is no longer enough to get the job done, and papers begin to feel like insurmountable obstacles, and grades suffer, and spirits lag.

L’s spirits were definitely lagging a few weeks ago, and he wisely decided to take a step back and re-evaluate his situation. He considered dropping back to part time to be able to have more time to focus on his writing assignments, but in the end realized that more time was not what he needed. What he needed was a whole new approach. He has had a lot of support from the school, and he’s been talking to a person (a writing/time management “coach”) who has helped him see that his writing struggle actually has very little to do with the amount of time he spends on it (a fact that was painfully clear to me – you have not ever seen someone work harder or spend more hours attempting to complete a paper, of this I am sure). In the next nine months or so, he will be working on various ways to re-evaluate his approach to writing. He’ll be doing various writing exercises, among other things, and one of those exercises will be blogging, and I have to say that I am sorry for all of you that it will probably not be public, because that guy can write like mess when he gets going.

A side effect to all of this, of course, is that in the interim, he is HERE. We’ve been able to spend the last two weeks as a full-fledged, all-together, bona fide family unit, and though he knows and I know that there are things still to be dealt with and work still to be done, we also know that it has been the best two weeks we’ve had as a family in a long, long time. And what’s more, we’ve had a copious plethora of conversations. About the decision to withdraw and the process ahead of him, of course, but also just about life. You know, like, ‘I had the craziest dream last night’ conversations that start with random descriptions of running a restaurant with Joe Biden and that guy you used to sit next to in organic chemistry in college, and end two hours later with honest confessions of your goals and dreams and hopes for the future. Those kind of conversations.

I don’t know what will happen nine months from now. L could decide to leave law school for good. Or he could decide that it’s really where he’s meant to be and continue on with new skills at part-time status or maybe even full-time status.  What I do know though is that we have been given a new lease as a family. An unexpected situation that allows us to enjoy our time together and not just go through motions simply to make it to another day.  The difference between those two scenarios is immeasurable.

I’ve been really grateful for this small patch of contentment, even with the uncertainty for the future that comes with it. Because these last two weeks have helped remind me that the joy of this life we have together is the whole reason we can face our difficulties in the first place.

This weekend was pretty damn great. I have always been under the distinct impression that one of the circles of hell was a perpetual Saturday with two feral children in an enclosed space with a dark raging storm outside, but all my preconceived notions about such a situation have now been shattered. We had such a Saturday, and yet the children were not feral in the slightest. In fact, they were quite domesticated, and we just…hung out. You know, like people. Noah spent most of Saturday morning entertaining Rosie while I did other things, totally blowing another of my theories: that kids only do that kind of thing in movies. Movies where they are paid. And they get fired if they don’t act right.  And yet my kids! They played! Together! Merrily! It was the stuff of fantasy, I tell you, like the kind of thing you imagine in your daydreams when you think about your future life with kids in which said kids are always happy and lovely and obedient. And they laugh at all your jokes and never think you are uncool. And they become president and tell the world I OWE IT ALL TO MY MOM on national television and people cry and a statue is commissioned on the front lawn of the White House in your honor. And you win the Nobel Mom Prize. And a cash prize of a million dollars.

Wait, what was I saying?

Anyway, I don’t know if you know this, but I like to record things. And so now I have this nice little video of one of the best parts of this weekend that I am planning to keep for eternity to utilize whenever Noah and Rosie argue. I figure any future teenage disagreement can be settled nicely with a threat of “You guys better work it out, or so help me I’ll pull out The Video and make you watch it with me on repeat while I hold you close to my bosom and weep for the years gone by when my PRECIOUS PRECIOUS BABIES LOVED EACH OTHER. And then I will make you sing Kumbaya with me in three part harmony while we hold hands and sway! AND DON’T YOU THINK I WON’T!!!”

I am totally going to rock the teenage parenting thing, I can just feel it.

Happle from racher on Vimeo.

Noah has never been much of a daredevil. In fact, I would say that he would pause a bit at the word daredevil and ask for the definition if it were ever used in his presence. What does “daredevil” mean? He would want to know. Is it like the real devil? Does it live in our neighborhood? Could it get in to our house? Is it bigger than a bear? Are you sure there aren’t bears in our house?

And so on and so forth he would continue until I was able to insert a HEY IS THAT A CORVETTE DRIVING BY OUR HOUSE as a distraction.

I wouldn’t call him over the top anxious about life per se, but I would say that he is definitely a kid with a healthy dose of normal kid fears. Dogs, water, death, public performing, talking to adults he doesn’t know, etc. It can be frustrating for me at times, knowing how to help him through his fear without forcing him to do something he’s really not comfortable doing.

So yesterday when I broached the topic of removing the training wheels from his bike, I was super casual about it, like “Hey! How’s about we go to the park and PLAY! and KICK THE SOCCER BALL! and tryridingthebikewithouttrainingwheelsandalso THROW A FRISBEE?” sort of expecting a concerned look, or a determined nuh-uh, or something similar. But he just said “Okay.”

???????????????????
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(went my head)

So, continuing on the uber-cool pretense of This is So Totally No Big Deal, I said, “Alright. Let’s go then,” and proceeded to watch him bebop to the park, declare that it was Time, and then start plugging away at his first attempts at two-wheeled uprightedness. He was focused, but not scared. He fell once or twice, but he didn’t give up. And then after only about fifteen minutes, HE GOT IT. I think I truly understand now the meaning of the word verklempt. Because there he was in his jeans with the worn out knees and his brow furrowed in heavy concentration riding a bike. And he was having fun doing it. Well, hello cliched Parenting Moment! Make yourself comfortable in my throat as I wipe off this water that seems to be collecting in my eye.

It’s just that he was so great, you know?  So, so great.

As he got steadier I kept filming his progress.  At one point L got my attention from behind and gestured to Rosie, who was atop a big slide all by herself. I panned over to her to catch her first big slide solo descent on video, and in my peripheral vision I could see Noah whiz by, already a pro and gaining speed.

“They’re doing things too fast for me to keep up with!” I commented to L as I gave up and turned off the camera.

He nodded, smiling, because he knew exactly what I meant.

Paths of Victory from racher on Vimeo.