There is not enough logic in the world for five years old
Actual Conversation I Participated In Today While On An Otherwise Lovely Walk
Noah: Why do I have to wear a long sleeved shirt tomorrow?
Me: Because it’s the only shirt we have that’s red, and you need a red shirt for your costume.*
N: But I will be hot in a long sleeve shirt.
Me: Oh, wait, what about your short sleeved red shirt with the car on it?
N: But Mo-om, that shirt has white on it. It won’t be all red!
Me: Well, we’ll turn it inside out. Problem solved!
N: But it’s long-sleeved!
Me: No, it’s short-sleeved. Remember?
N: No it’s not.
Me: Yes. It has sleeves. That are short. Short-sleeved sleeves.
N: THEN WHY IS IT IN MY LONG SLEEVED SHIRT DRAWER.
Me: Oh, I didn’t realize it was. I must have put it in there by mistake. But you can still wear it and be cooler with short sleeves tomorrow.
N: But it’s LONG SLEEVED.
Me: No, remember, we went over this. The red shirt, with the car, with SHORT SLEEVES. You can wear it! And all will be well!
N: BUT IT WILL MAKE ME HOT BECAUSE IT HAS LONG SLEEVES.
Me: (head explodes)
N: Why can’t I just wear a shirt with short sleeves?
Me: Hey! I think you can! There’s this shirt with a car…
N: Mom, that shirt has long sleeves.
Me: Ok, well then I guess you’ll just have to wear your original shirt.
N: BUT I WILL BE HHHHHHHOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTT.
Me: Can I interest you in a short sleeved car shirt?
N: It. Has. Long. Sleeves.
Me: It. Has. Short. Sleeves.
Me: Why don’t we just get it out and see, and then the mystery will be solved?
N: But I know it has long sleeves.
*For Dr. Seuss’s birthday week(s), Noah’s class was invited to dress up as their favorite Seuss character, and out of all the memorable and interesting character choices, Noah selected the very esoteric and monochrome Fox In Socks. Of course he did.