Posts from — March 2010

There are two things that absolutely will happen when and if you start your own blog (and make it available to the general public): one, someone will make fun of you. Probably someone in your family. (Definitely someone in your family.) And two, you will start getting weird emails about hyping and/or giving away random stuff to your readers.

It’s pretty easy to decide whether or not you’re going to participate in a PR offer though, when the first sentence of the email says “Thought you would be interested in adding our appliance site as a resource for your readers, since you write about the home and your readers could use our site to get more information on being a do-it-yourselfer and repairing their kitchen appliances so they can get back to enjoying life.” CLEARLY they have not read my blog, because they would know that if I had a broken kitchen appliance, it would most certainly not be keeping me from enjoying life. It would be an excuse for BURRITOS, (Dishwasher’s broken again? This time let’s get cheese dip!) and burritos are always cause for celebration. So you know, offers like this make me quite wary of The Man.

However! This giveaway offer was too good to refuse. Cafepress contacted me to ask if they could send me and my kids a free shirt (of our choosing) from their massive and often hilarious selection of products so that I could then give a reader plus their child or significant other, or cousin, or friend, or dog – they said dog! I swear! – a free shirt each of their own choosing. It would have been pretty stupid of me to say anything but WOULD I EVER YES AND THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

Because who doesn’t need a shirt? A funny or poignant or vintage or adorably tiny shirt? NO ONE, THAT’S WHO. I mean, unless you don’t have a torso, you could use a shirt, amiright? And if you don’t have a torso, well, you have other problems. Like the inability to breathe. Or eat. Or be alive.

Cafepress did not ask me to do a review, but I have ordered from them before all this fame and fortune rained down on me, and you know what? It was a Big Brother t-shirt for Noah for the Big Day when Rosie would join us, and when it came I realized I had not read carefully enough about the sizes and ended up with a shirt that was comically large for my wee big brother. By the time I contacted them about the problem, a friend had made a big brother shirt for Noah, and I no longer needed one, but they told me to keep the shirt anyway, AND they refunded my money. So I got a free shirt, just because they are nice and do good business. And they didn’t even know they were earning the respect of a all-powerful, mind-wielding Internet giant of the future! I KNOW.

But seriously, if you need a gift for someone, you can find something for everyone on their website. Like EVERYONE everyone. Are you a proud nurse’s uncle? There’s a shirt for that! Do you love the Goonies? They’ve got that covered! Also, I want you to know that if I could give you all a collective shirt, it would be this one. You’re welcome.

Be warned, though. Once you click over to that site and start browsing the “Humor” section, there’s your afternoon. You’d better get a snack first.

So. All of that is to say that Cafepress is a great source for unique and personalized gifts – for family, friends, aunts, uncles, pets, step-godcousins, and more! They’re good people who make good quality things, and the shirts they sent us this time did not disappoint:

(NATCH.)

(Cafepress not responsible for that weird hat. That is aaaaallllll Noah.)

This is the best shot I have of all three of us in our shirts. Also, I tried really hard to push this awesome robot shirt on Noah, but once he saw the FIVE it was all over for him, even though the shirt is big enough for someone who could have a ONE FIVE on their shirt. Also, I had not showered. Also, clearly, this was a Pants Optional Day. But look!  AW ROSIE AND I ARE ALL MATCHY MATCHY. But seriously, how could I NOT have a Rosie the Riveter shirt?  I couldn’t not. So therefore, we matchy matchy.

So! I’d like to clothe your torso! Or more specifically, Cafepress would like to clothe your torso and the torso of one of your closest torsoed acquaintances. It occurs to me that I could require you to do any number of things to be in the running for the shirts. I could have you write me a haiku, send my blog link to ten of your friends, or better yet, have you profess your undying love for me in 140 characters or less! Yes! But instead, I will just let you comment as you will. Only one comment* per person, and the winner will be chosen at random by one of those random chooser thingies. You could just say ‘SUP RACH, and get two free shirts. Easy peasy + lemon squeezy = SHIRTS.

Winner will be announced next Monday, 4/5.  Go Team Awesome! (**Edited to add: You can comment until midnight of Sunday 4/4.)

*If you have been a loyal reader of Yestertime but never commented, (or heck, if you came here for the very first time today just for the free stuff) TODAY IS YOUR DAY. SEIZE THE DAY. CARPE COMMENTUS. You don’t have to use your real name – I’ll contact you if you’ve won to get all your info.

**Stink, I found one for you.

Trying to write a post lately has gone a little something like: 1. Open Yestertime 2. Facebook 3. Twitter 4. Email 5. Google Reader 6. Get a snack 7. Back to Yestertime 8. Facebook again (3 new status updates!) 9. Bathroom break 10. Stare into space 11. Yestertime 12. Facebook (2 more!) 13. Snack 14. Yestertime 15. Facebook 16. Twitter 17. Snack 18. Give up.

Once I did an exercise where I just wrote for 2 minutes without stopping to see what came out and I discovered that number one, two minutes wasn’t much time for writing, and number two, I was glad it was only two minutes. So LO: I partake in mine exercise once more. Only this time with five minutes on the clock. Ready? OKIE DOKIE.

I went to a thrift store today to see what glorious treasures I could unearth from underneath the moth balls and must and totally found a vintage wooden rocking horse for $3.50. Sure, it’s a little on the mangy side with its old man receding horse hair line, but seeing Rosie launch herself towards it while yelling ‘ORSE! ‘ORSE! was pretty much worth every penny.

Also. I will now tell you about more things. Which are…very…interesting….I have been watching a crazy number of movies lately. This is completely ridiculous, since I have about negative three hours to spare in my day. (Which some psychoanalyst would probably say is the reason I want to escape reality, maybe? I would explore this more, but I’VE ONLY GOT 1:45 LEFT PEOPLE.)  Anyway, they’ve been mostly good, with Milk and Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist (EXCEPT THE PART ABOUT THE GUM OMG) being two of my faves. Also watched: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Whip It, The Reader, Grey Gardens (both the documentary and the motion picture),  and La Vie En Rose .  L has observed that I am “into” movies, which I would deny except that I both 1.) watched the special features on every single one of these movies and 2.) also looked them all up on imdb.com. So. There’s that.

And now I’m down to :30! Tomorrow I will give you the chance to win some stuff.  So put on your rally cap and wear your lucky socks (and comment) to win.

Five minutes: UP.
Brain cells used: NEGLIGIBLE.
Movies left in my library request list: AT LEAST SEVEN
Minutes until I watch another one: THREE AND A HALF
Number of duties avoided while watching: INFINITE
Minutes I’m going past Five while doing this weird list: FOUR
End to this bizarre post: NOW

Lately I have been spending a lot of time alone with Noah and Rosie. Like a lotta lot. L’s days have increased tenfold (a mathematical impossibility, but there you have it) and so I am the one at home schlepping detritus from floor to shelf, brushing teeth, wiping bottoms, explaining cold fusion (no really, you should spend five minutes with Noah and his endless and probing questions about the construct of everything in the whole of the universe), and putting out the fights.  That’s right, there are FIGHTS now, you guys. Fights involving fingernails and teeth and wailing. There should be a warning label on pregnancy tests that say BE ADVISED: ADDITION OF SECOND CHILD MAY PRODUCE BOUTS OF ADVERSITY. HAVE EARPLUGS AT THE READY.  Sheepishly though, I should admit, had there been such a warning, I would have read it and immediately issued a loud PSHAW at the thought that my flawless specimens of human engineering would have such issues. AS IF. But as it turns out, my kids are….normal. Huh. How about that. Must be from L’s side.

Anyway, recently when the screeching starts to hit a decibel level loud enough that the furniture begins to rearrange itself spontaneously, I have been cutting through the din with a loud HEY HOW’S ABOUT WE GO FOR A WALK??? almost always remembering to then switch to sotto voce when adding “crazy crazy devil children.”  This has a 100% success rate for cheering everyone up, and when it stops working, well, I shudder to think what I’ll do. Come….up….with……activities? Or….crafts? No, clearly the outdoor distraction must maintain its status. There are no alternatives.

One must be prepared to accept the consequences of using the powerful W-A-L-K word though, and from past experience I can tell you that this means you better not say it until you are ready to open the door and immediately set forth on a round the block adventure. Because though she is extraordinarily prolific for her age, the one word Rosie has not yet incorporated into her repertoire is wait.

Noah, on the other hand, though equally joyful about the chance for running at full tilt, does a celebratory jig of happiness and then immediately and seriously begins a careful selection of correct shoes for the occasion (running shoes for speed or shoes with lightning bolts for cool speed?) as well as which toy to bring along for the (very short) trip (around one block). Also, sometimes there are wardrobe accessories.

Rosie is great guns at the beginning, full of piss and vinegar, leading me by twenty paces with fierce independence.

Noah also prefers to run (running is his favorite), but will only go so far before reliably, predictably, slowing and turning to find me behind him, checking to see that I am still within sight.

Then Rosie’s battle between velocity and curiosity starts to tip in favor of the latter, and the walk around the block becomes the wait around the block. (Which unfortunately, with a needy toddler sister and only one parent around for the majority of his time, is a word Noah has become all too familiar with.)

Rosie is always up for new challenges…

while Noah patiently sits, giving his sister the time she needs for her adventures.

God bless that fight-free fourth of a mile of cement for giving us all little breathing room, and for letting me step back and see with fresh eyes what I have in front of me.

Which is this: just a brother and a sister with the wind in their hair.

Once again I have the incredibly yawn-worthy news update that L is still in law school and therefore “zomg this week is steamrolling me six ways to Tuesday what with the kids and the stuff and the kids” But all I really want to say about that is I AM BUSY AND ALSO RILLY RILLY TIRED THE END.

Oh, and, this just in: I also have a cold. Or allergies. Or Ebola. Not sure which, but I can currently sing “Old Man River” in the range it was intended to be sung in. Move over Paul Robeson! (HACK. WHEEZE. SNORFFLE.)

But I did want to let you know that later this week I am going to sell out to the Man do a fancy-schmancy giveaway post wherein you could win a thing! A free thing that is free! And it is an equal opportunity giveaway, meaning my three male readers can also participate and not be saddled with some sort of anti-aging cream or cocktail dress. (Although maybe that’s your thing? Who am I to judge?) So. Stay tuned.

In the meantime, here is a little bit of a Hot Mess for you on this fine Tuesday morning.

Hot Mess from racher on Vimeo.