No grandmother aunt hair required
I will be writing more this week (Dear Universe, File: Save As) but right now I am busy scurrying around mumbling under my breath and triple checking that I have all the forms and papers I need to REGISTER MY FIRSTBORN CHILD FOR KINDERGARTEN TOMORROW.
Can I get an OMG.
I say triple check, but let’s be frank: I have gone over the materials approximately forty-seven times, afraid that I will get there in the morning and they will say, “Why sure, we’d love to register your charming son for school! But first let’s just have a little look see at your papers, shall we? Did you remember his immunizations, birth certificate, proof of residency and PATERNAL GRANDMOTHER’S AUNT’S HAIR FOLLICLE FOR DNA SAMPLING?” And I’d be all stuttery and nervous because no! I have forgotten this crucial key to Noah’s educational path! All because I am a n00b who doesn’t know shit about public education admission rigamarole! And they will laugh and cover their mouths with papers, pointing and calling in others to see the idiot who forgot the grandmother aunt hair.
Also, in this nightmare fantasy I have forgotten to put on clothes and have spinach in my front teeth.
But anyway! I will be glad when I’ve passed the next test in the series of Get Your Kid To Adulthood In One Piece assessments. Mostly so that I can go back to focusing most of my energy on freaking out about the fact that I have a kid old enough to be walking through the doors of that school in the first place. Oh brunette locks, I hardly knew ye!
In conclusion, ladies and gentlemen, I give you the face of Almost Kindergarten:
On second thought, I’m in like Flynn. How could anyone turn away this winsome mug?