BACKSEAT DRIVER

Noah is KILLING me in the car these days, and I don’t mean like slaying-me-’cause-he’s-such-a-riot killing me, I mean literally I want to stop at the nearest corner and leave him there with a sign that says FREE KID.  He is obsessed with the rules of the road, how to get from point A to point B, and the quality of my driving.  If he’s not questioning me on Driver’s Ed textbook information (“We can turn right even though we have a red light, right Mom?  But we can NOT turn left on a red light. Right?”) he is critiquing my driving (“GO, Mom.  Mom, why are you going slow? Mom, we are turning! Put the blinker on! MOM!”) or policing the roads for Evil Rule-Breaking Other Drivers (“I just saw that white van go through a red light.  I did. He should not do that.  Right Mom?”).  It’s like having a teenager who is about to be a driver and therefore is keenly interested in all things road-related, but without the filter that teenagers have where they absolutely will not look interested in something because that is So Totally Uncool.

Relatedly, Noah, who is particularly well spoken and says few words incorrectly, thinks that the mph that you are required to stay under while driving is called the “Spimit Leed.”  L and I feel somewhat robbed of Cute Kid Mispronunciations and so have done nothing to correct this.

If you live anywhere in our vicinity, I suggest you watch your back and go the spimit leed or Noah will totally call out your bad-drivin’ ass.

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WOULD KICK ASS AT THE PHYSICAL FITNESS SIT AND REACH TEST

(Plz ignore filthy carpet THNX.)

Sit and Reach from racher on Vimeo.

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YOU HAD ME AT BATHTUB

I’ve been having trouble thinking of enough activities to entertain Noah this summer, or at least thinking of enough activities that don’t involve Nutter Butters and Super Why.  But then I came up with a BRILLIANT PLAN: why not fill his time with packing up every single thing in our house and moving it to another house? I know. I’m a genius.

Seriously, we have stumbled into some Divine Residential Providence by way of family friends whose house became available right at the time that we were trying desperately to think of ways that I could keep from losing my everloving mind next year as L starts law school and my single parenting quotient goes way up.  Not only will this give us more space so that we are not all up in each other’s business all the time, but (you know what’s coming…) GREAT GOD ALMIGHTY THERE WILL BE A BATHTUB AND A DISHWASHER IN THE HOUSE I LIVE IN.

I’m trying really hard to remember that having these two things back in my life does not necessarily mean that all my Life Problems will be solved, but come on seriously guys, I’m not entirely convinced that they won’t be.