If only I lived in Berlin. And it were 1989.

The other day when I wrote about how mentioning Rosie’s sleep success on here would most surely condemn us to Regression Unto Ruination, I was not aware that predicting the future was in fact my superpower.  To be honest, if I had known superpowers were being doled out I would have requested something way cooler like the ability to stop time or the ability to zap myself rested or some shit like that.  But no, predicting imminent doom it is.

Rosie has had such a hard time sleeping since getting sick that any sleep training we were doing went out the window and we resorted to the age old strategy of Do Whatever Works.  Turns out what works for a sick Rosie is the All-Mama All The Time Show, starring me.  I was also the key grip and best boy.  Rosie directed.  Now that she is feeling mostly better (THANK THE LORD JESUS IN HIS FLUFFY WHITE CLOUDED HEAVEN) she is having a little trouble figuring out how to go to sleep any other way.  And by a little trouble I mean OMG.

My putting her to bed is not enough.  She wants me to put her down and also lend her my face to pinch and squeeze and mash as she drifts off, like I am her favorite nubby blanket.  I love that little girl something fierce, but Be Available To Serve As Human Stress Ball Every Night As My Baby Falls Asleep is definitely on my list of Things I Am Not Willing To Do As A Parent. Weaning her from this comfort has been rough.  I offer her an arm as a substitute and she flings it away as if to say “An arm?  An ARM?  ARE YOU FREAKIN’ KIDDING ME HERE?”  Ditto the sock monkey, sock monkey blanket, octopus, and orange cow.

After I finally (finally.) (FINALLY.) get her to fall asleep, it takes the skill of Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible to make it from her crib to the door.  If I disturb a speck of dust in the wrong direction, it trips the laser beams Rosie has rigged all over the room and an alarm goes off in her head that says “ALERT. SQUISHY FACE IS ATTEMPTING ESCAPE. ACTIVATE SYSTEM MELTDOWN.” and the whole process is back to square one.

Hey, guess if this routine is working out for me?  I’ll give you a minute.

The tricky thing about all of this is figuring out when to go great guns back into the sleep training we had started before the HFM virus.  I don’t want to force something that she’s not ready for because of hurting mouth sores or achy bones or what have you.  But I don’t want her to establish habits that I can’t sustain.  I have a hunch that the time has come for the bullet to be bitten and for us to get back into that huddle with the Xs and Os and come up with the play book for this thing again.  Because, like Dr. Sears says, if a routine you established becomes something that makes you resentful, change it.

I’d say the fact that I spend nap and night time quelling feelings of demolishing large objects with a sledgehammer means a change is due. Quite possibly.


1 Beth { 05.21.09 at 9:20 am }

Racher, every time my hubby says he wants another kiddo, I just read him an excerpt from your blog to remind him of what life is like with a baby in the house. I love reading about your trials and tribulations of life with Rosie, and I totally feel for ya, as I remember all too well the sleepless nights and fears of the cat meowing too loud and waking the baby and oh-please-please-won’t-you-please-stop-crying-and-just-drop-0ff-to-sleep moments. I’m sorry things are tough right now. And I completely agree about talking too soon about good things – I tended to jinx myself ALL THE TIME and as soon as I waxed poetically about something baby did, inevitably he would cease whatever it was I was so happy about. Good luck with everything, and keep the blogs coming! I’m sure you know how cathartic it is to write about your troubles. And it sure does make those of us out here in internets-land LOL, which should make your heart happy :)

2 Sam { 05.21.09 at 10:00 am }

Enter: Sound Machine – that should negate the laser beams :-)

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