Irregularity

I’m at a coffee shop trying to write some blog posts so that when people type in this web address they aren’t greeted with a chorus of virtual crickets every day.  I’m not sure how successful this endeavor will be, seeing as how my sleep deprived brain can’t remember anything farther back than five sec- wait, what was I talking about?  Oh right.  Poop.

Rosie is on day three of an All Input No Output jag and understandably is not very happy about it.  Every time I go to feed her now I have this fear that she’ll explode.  I mean, there’s got to be a hull breach imminent, am I right?  There is only so much room in that tiny belly.  Things we’ve tried: bicycle legs, water, belly rubs, cutting out rice cereal, warm baths.  Things we’re close to trying: a bottle full of strong coffee with a prune juice shot and crushed up Ex-Lax, performing an enema on a Rosie voodoo doll, having a Shit Seance.  We won’t really do these things, obviously.  Probably.  Most likely.

In other news, I am getting very acquainted with the Godforsaken hours of 2am, 4am, and 5:45, as Rosie is waking up like clockwork at those times.  This is after waking up at 8:15pm and 10:30pm and sometimes 11:45 if she’s feeling kicky.  There is a plan for nipping this wakey-wakeyness in the bud that we are eager to implement, once her bowels are in order.  And I’ve now decided that that would be a great phrase to use when feeling out of sorts.  No, I’m sorry, I won’t be in today.  My bowels are not in order.  Maybe tomorrow.  Anyway, the plan is to finish reading “The No-Cry Sleep Solution” and then get into a huddle and draw out the plan with little xs and os and arrows and then yell BREAK! really loud and then run our plays over and over again until we get a touchdown, otherwise known as SLACKJAWED DROOL SLEEEEEEEEP.

Maybe then this blog will go back to being about interesting things, like bad TV and burritos.

April 27, 2009   8 Comments