Why Is That Camera Following Me Around and Who Are Stacy and Clinton:

I am in desperate need of new clothes.  I have two pairs of jeans that are in heavy rotation: one pair that slide down my backside and reveal my skivvies every time I bend over, and one pair that spend the entire day devoted to slicing heavy indentions into my muffin tops.  Other than that I have sweatpants.  My wardrobe is grim.  However, our bank account does not support jean shopping at the moment, unless I want to spend an afternoon at the Last Chance Thrift pawing through moth ball smelling acid washed Guess? jeans with tapered legs and an upside down triangle on the back pocket.  Maybe I should just go for it and start a new retro trend with big white scrunchies and Hypercolor shirts while I’m at it.

Project 5K: The Dumbest Idea Of All Time:

The situation has become dire.  I made it to 2.5 miles (once) about a week and a half ago and then five days went by with no chance for running and the next run was awful.  The tunes were not grooving and I could barely make 2 miles.   I am mildly panicked about this, seeing as the race is in nine days, with a forecast of “Someone Better Start Building a Big Boat” for the next five.  I have no treadmill.  YOU GUYS.  Am I going to make it?  Are people going to throw rocks at me for being a 5K poseur? WILL THEY REVOKE MY T-SHIRT RIGHTS?

I am in need of motivation. And encouragement. And Valium.

I Love Rosie and Her Hamhock Legs:

Tonight when I was rocking Rosie to sleep she executed her newest trick of reaching up to her pacifier and pulling it out with a THWOCK, but then she took the maneuver to a whole new level by lodging it right in my open mouth.

Lessons learned: #1 Mouths should be kept closed around babies with access to them (a lesson which should already have been filed away after the Great Spit Up/Kiss Incident) and #2 It takes considerably longer for your baby to fall asleep if you are shaking them around with your jiggly belly laugh.

Fin.