Reflections after running two consecutive miles for the first time

1.  HOLY CRAP I DIDN’T DIE

2.  There is now a whole chapter in Emily Post’s etiquette book called “Only The Vulgarist of Whore-Ladies Would Ever Dream of Hocking a Loogey” and the first page has a giant blown up portrait of me on it. To which I say: IT IS GROSS TO SWALLOW YOUR SLIMY RUNNER MOUTH GOOP, EMILY.

3.  If you passed me in the first five minutes of my run, I’d probably wave and maybe even say hey.  After that, any attempt to engage me in a friendly exchange will only result in my giving you the finger.

4.   My head contains an image of my running self that is slightly akin to an Olympic marathoner, muscles taut, body relaxed into an easy stride.  My shadow tells me that my head is full of utter and complete shit.

5.  The tunes on my iPod are the only thing keeping me from flinging myself onto the windshield of every approaching car and weeping for the driver to transport my sweaty heaving carcass back home to where the couches live.

6.  I had no idea I could sweat there.  Or there.

7.  After I’ve cooled down post-run, I feel kind of giddy from all the cardiotasticness of it all, and I think “Hey!  I kind of like this running thing!” But the next day when I start out again, back at regular endorphin levels, I think “I hate running. Running is stupid.  This is stupid. Life is stupid.  I AM GOING TO DIE.”

And then when I’m done with my route, I’m back to #1 and life goes on.

7 comments

1 Jillian { 02.24.09 at 8:34 am }

Re: #6-Whenever I participate in any kind of sweat-worthy activity, the first place i begin to sweat is the inside of my right elbow. Totally weird.

Congratz on hitting the 2 mile mark!

2 Carrie { 02.24.09 at 9:09 am }

I haven’t run 2 consecutive miles recently, but I did try level 2 of THE SHRED yesterday, and I did want to die…

3 Trenches of Mommyhood { 02.24.09 at 9:43 am }

I heart you. You describe it perfectly!

4 Amanda { 02.24.09 at 10:49 am }

7 years I’ve been a runner, and I still have that “I hate this, why am I doing this? ” feeling at the start of some runs (especially half marathons – what the hell was I thinking?). And, I’ve discovered that my wrists sweat – the top side…what? They’re not doing any hard work…what’s with the sweat?

5 racher { 02.24.09 at 2:08 pm }

Jillian – I too have the elbow sweat. Both elbows. WTF?

Carrie – I know, right? Plank position can SUCK IT.

TofM – Aw, thanks! Although I have to say that I’m not sure I described it perfectly. That probably would have involved many more expletives.

Amanda – I thought maybe after you did the running thing for a while that the bile that rises in your throat would recede when you thought about doing it again. But no? GREAT.

6 gossamer { 02.24.09 at 11:33 pm }

I was inspired to start this whole running thing until I read Amanda’s post…
I drove 5 miles to work today….no sweat.

7 Amanda { 02.25.09 at 9:40 am }

I take it back – keep running!! No bile, just sometimes not feeling like doing it…as with other things. But once I get going, it’s great. And I always feel better afterwards – at least proud that I got out there.

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