I’m a little late today because writing a blog post requires opened eyeballs and also hands that are not shoved deep into the folds of an electric blanket turned to ROAST.

That’s right, it’s Mastitis: The Sequel!  And I give it two thumbs DOWN.

Seriously, what is wrong with my boobs?  I am considering wearing a sign around my neck that says “FOR SALE: CHEAP” with an arrow pointing straight at The Girls.  Although I guess LG would be pretty pissed if I did that.

Anyway, that’s about all I have to say.  It’s time for me to go strip our bed of its nasty sweat-and-drooled-upon sheets and wash them on Permanent Press: BOIL.

I promise my post tomorrow won’t have anything to do with my breasts.  Swear.