Desecration

Before LG was born, when I was out of ideas for Fun Things To Do and was tired of Bug velcroing himself to my legs in desperate boredom, I would resort to a tried and true distraction: hard manual labor.  Nine times out of ten this meant playing a Very Fun Game called Raking The Yard.

Yesterday was unseasonably balmy, and Bug had already come out of his room to ask me How Many More Minutes? about thirty one times during his hour long rest time, so it seemed appropriate that we resume our raking ways of yore.  It seemed like it might make for a fun afternoon.  And for the most part it did not disappoint:

Leaf jump

HOWEVER.

Soon after we began, I darted inside to get my camera to capture the moment of Xtreme Fashion Brilliance I had with LG today (short sleeved shirts over long sleeved onesies – TRIPLED her wardrobe.  BRILLIANCE, I say)  and this is the shot I got:

Cute yet gross

I checked the image in the camera and had a little chuckle over LG’s WTF! face when I realized that she had EVERY RIGHT to that expression.  There seemed to be a mysterious black spot on her shirt that had not been there before I fetched the camera and when I bent down to inspect I discovered a STEAMING GLOP OF BIRD SHIT.

BIRD SHIT. ON MY BABY.  BLEEAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGHHH.

I am not much of a germaphobe, but OMG.  POOP.  FROM A GERMY BIRD. DID I MENTION IT WAS ON MY BABY.

Nine Clorox wipes and a few doses of straight bleach later I decided just to burn the shirt.

I couldn’t get the image of that festering inky pile of Avian bird flu out of my head and obsessively kept checking LG for any signs of further fecal attacks.  Finally I got an umbrella and propped it up over her bouncy chair as a safeguard. Not quite the super fun wholesome afternoon rake-a-thon I had hoped for, but with the umbrella in place I relaxed a little and enjoyed the fresh air.

It was all but forgotten too, until Lorso, upon hearing the incident report, shrugged and said, “At least it didn’t land on her face.”

And now: NIGHTMARES.  FOR WEEKS.

7 comments

1 Leigh Ann { 12.17.08 at 9:51 am }

LOL! i actually laughed so hard i SNORTED! it’s TOTALLY not funny that she got pooped on by a bird. however, just envisioning you freaking out and how much I would freak out made me laugh. i can totally see myself using clorox wipes, throwing out the shirt, searching the web for bird flu cases caused by poop, and then staring at the baby just waiting for the first sign of some bird disease to appear!

but, it was a super cute outfit! especially the hat!

2 racher { 12.17.08 at 10:05 am }

HA – I KNEW you would be the first commenter! I hope you own stock in Clorox wipes!

3 Shayleen { 12.17.08 at 1:59 pm }

Rachel,
Can I just tell you how much I NEED your blog. I look forward to new posts and lauging at the stories that you so graciously share with all of us!!! I laughed so hard at your status…and then i read your post about the bird poop and I laughed so hard I had tears running down my cheeks. Her outfit was adorable, it is a shame you had to throw it out…but I would have done the same thing! Shame on the bird for pooping on your sweet little LG. You are awesome!!

4 Shayleen { 12.17.08 at 2:01 pm }

When i discovered the layering thing…i was so excited. It literally triples their wardrobe and quadruples their cuteness.

5 Ginny { 12.17.08 at 6:34 pm }

I love the pink socks and the way they match the short-sleeved shirt. She’s stylin’.

6 Meredith { 12.17.08 at 7:27 pm }

I can see this picture–complete with her utter disdain for b(ird)s***–playing a starring role in a photo montage at LG’s future wedding reception.

7 gossamer { 12.21.08 at 8:33 pm }

i like the WTF face….

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