As Blog is my witness

Can I just for a quick sec talk about something potentially boring for oh, 99% of you? Fantastic. Here we go.

Post-pregnancy weight loss: what’s up with that junk?  I am feeling quite flummoxed in this particular area, simply because apparently last time tiny fat-sucking aliens came down from space and took the pounds right off of me while I went on eating as many fat grams as I could cram into my piehole.  Ok, it MAY not have been aliens, but it’s as good a reason as any as to why I snapped back into my size AHEM jeans three weeks after giving birth.

There’s a new thing called “Momversation” that is being played on several of the blogs I read (including Dooce, and the fact that she was one of the panelists is about the ONLY reason I would ever even click on something with a name that asinine. In fact, all the women involved are some seriously cool chicks, which is good, because otherwise the fact that I was sitting at home with a newborn watching something called “Momversation” would make me want to pull on my tapered, high waisted, acid washed jeans and a scrunchy and drive my minivan off a high cliff) and the most recent topic of conversation involved post pregnancy weight loss. But instead of making me feel like I was not alone in my quest for non-doughy abs, I felt like maybe I have been setting myself up for a mighty disappointment by thinking that it will all go as it did last time, i.e. I will simply sit on my duff and laze the pounds away.  Listening to those women, I started to think that perhaps I have been a little too high and also mighty about my body’s ability to turn on the super-metabolism and help a girl out.  The part that especially got to me was when Rebecca mentioned that she was a dedicated breastfeeder, and yet the pounds were not “melting off” like so many people had said that they would.

Yeah, I’m pretty sure those exact words came out of my mouth once or twice. And I really thought it was the breastfeeding last time. Maybe it was, but maybe it was just the fact that I was still in my twenties back then.  Now that I’m an old gray harpy at 30, my body is all, “HELL no I’m not giving up this extra insulation – it’s f’ing COLD outside, woman.”  And yes, I DO realize it’s only been 5 weeks since LG was born and I also realize that I am a fairly small person to begin with, so it may look like I am perhaps on crack cocaine when I say I want to get into better shape.  But I’ll just lay it right out there: I am still packing on 20-25 extra pounds.  More importantly, I FEEL those extra pounds, and they leave me breathless after racing Bug to the mailbox.

We do not have a long driveway.

So I’ve decided to do a humbling and potentially mortifying thing and report on my progress in said area with you, the Internet. I am doing this as a way to be accountable to SOMETHING, even if that something is just the comments section of my little corner of cyberspace. (i.e. “Rachel, your recent comment about inhaling an entire bag of Cheetos and washing it down with several shots of whipped cream straight from the nozzle makes me think that maybe you could be trying a wee bit harder in your quest to shrink your GIANT ASS.”).  So I say to you: BRING IT, INTERNETZ.

I’m not going to turn this blog into a “getting in shape” blog, because my GOD I can’t think of anything more heinously boring to write about every day, but I will check in now and again with what I’m doing to make positive steps toward a more healthy body shape that I can feel good about.  I’d like to be able to say in a few months that my body is stronger and more physically fit than it’s been in a while, and that’s going to take some attention.

I am starting slowly, as I have not continuously walked more than a hundred yard stretch at a time for several months and I have forgotten what section you buy “vegetables” in at the Kroger.  So today in my first act of Operation Deflabbify, I dug tirelessly through some old boxes of videos until I found the VHS copy of MTV’s The Grind that I won at a party a few years ago in a game of Trivial Pursuit.  I dusted it off and set it next to the VCR so that it could be easily found.

Tomorrow I may even watch it.

Baby steps.