This post pecked out courtesy of my middle finger

Dear Baby Hiccups,

Here’s the deal.  Maybe that one time, back when Baby #1 was in utero, we might have encouraged you once or twice by noticing you with a laugh of wonderment and awe.  But I’m fairly certain those feelings dissipated quickly once that diaphragm you were jerking around got big enough to toss my dinner plate off my pregnant belly.

Then when Baby #2 took up uterine residence, I was clear from the get go that you were No Friend Of Mine.  I believe you may have heard me use such words as “annoying”, “really annoying”, and “OMG HICCUPS AGAIN WHY GOD WHY” to refer to you.  And yet you persisted.

But let me put you on notice: this baby is a SLEEPER.  She SLEEPS.  We are not sure what we have done to deserve this honor from the Baby Sleep Gods, but we graciously and humbly accept the bounty we have been given.

And so I sayeth unto you: DO NOT SCREW THINGS UP.  I know the cool hiccups hang out at night with the just fed, freshly diapered and slumbering babies, but we do not need any of your kind around here.  I will take out a restraining order if I have to.  And just so we’re clear, YES, I AM TALKING ABOUT LAST NIGHT FROM 2-3 AM.

So lay off.

Sincerely,

Grumbly McLikeshersleep

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