Posts from — October 2008

Quickly: had 40+ week check up today, report was excellent.  Here is where I might give you information about centimeters and effacement and such, if I were into broadcasting my female parts’ info on the Internet.  Turns out I’m not. So.

But just know that the portal through which LG will enter the world is apparently geared the hell up for her launch.  Way this makes me feel: AWESOME.

Contractions have started as well. Way this makes me feel: NOT QUITE AS AWESOME.

Except really, kind of awesome because ZOMG THIS BABY IS FINALLY COMING HALLELUJAH PRAISE JEEBUS.

Lorso is currently rubbing the junk out of my lower back and correcting my grammar over my shoulder.  Um, hi, I’m typing while delivering a baby.  SORRY ABOUT THE SPLIT INFINITIVE. (Also: love you! Keep rubbing!)

Hey before I forget, Internet BFFs, we should play that fun game where you guess the baby’s weight!  And by “we” I mean “you.” I’m just going to have the baby, if that’s alright with you.  But I wouldn’t want you to get bored while waiting for my next post, so it will be like busy work. Here are some helpful hints: Bug was 11 days early and weighed 8 lbs. 6.6 oz. So my advice would be to shoot high. Winner will be closest without going over. And you win…eternal salvation. Or a pat on the back, whichever.

Um, ok. So I’m going to go concentrate on contractions.  And stuff. Thanks for reading my drivel for the last few days.

See you on the flip side.

Roger. 10-4. OVER AND OUT.

Still pregnant.

Right around this time of year in the South, each day over 75 degrees starts to feel like an insult.  Summer seems to drag on forever with its humidity and sweat and mosquitoes.  Stoops are pumpkined and football games are tailgated and yet the leaves stay green on their branches and the air conditioning churns on in our houses.

For billions of years the seasons have changed.  The leaves have fallen, the air has cooled, the temperatures have dropped.  But there always seems to be a point during that last drag of the Indian summer when it feels like the next season is forever out of our reach.  We watch the weather incessantly, ready for any sign that relief is on its way. All conversation turns to the weather.  We wonder if it will ever end. Begrudgingly we continue to pull out our short sleeves, all the while itching to break out our sweaters and jackets.  Days of waiting turn into a week and one week turns into two.  We give up.  We resign ourselves to be hot forever.

And then one day, it comes. Inevitably, blissfully, reliably, Autumn comes.

Autumn always comes.

I don’t have much of substance to write any more besides one paragraph filled with bitchery and one filled with crotchety-type sentences of woe.  Ready?  Ok!

1. People are trying to say positive things to me these days to make me feel better.  Things like, “From the back, you don’t even look pregnant!”  That’s really nice, and might feel like a great compliment except that I want to look not pregnant not because I carry this baby in my uterus well but because I’m ACTUALLY NOT PREGNANT.

2. Officially, on my chart, my due date is Friday.  At twenty weeks gestation they verbally adjusted it to yesterday.  So I am either one day late or two days from being due.  It doesn’t really matter – it’s all kind of like living out a real live version of Invasion of the Body Snatchers wrapped inside the Twilight Zone.  I live a tenuous balance of maintaining a hyper-aware vigil over every twinge and ache of my body and trying my best to relax and forget my physical state.  It’s SO TOTALLY FUN. In a completely heinous, terrible, draining, not fun kind of way.

The End.