Posts from — June 2008

Take me out to the ball game…

Take me out with the crowd…

Buy me some peanuts hot dogs and Cracker Jacks…

I don’t care if I never get back…

Let me root, root, root for the home team, if they don’t win it’s a shame…

For it’s one, two, three strikes you’re out…

At the old ball game.

Bug is outside my stall and there are what feels like about 25 other women in the restroom:

“This is a GIRL’S bathroom. I’m a BOY, right Mommy?”

“That’s right, Bug, but when you’re with Mommy you have to come in here with me.”

“Mommy, are you going to pee pee or pee pee AND poop?”

“Shhhhhh, buddy – let’s not talk about that right now.”

Bending over to see underneath. “Oh, Mommy! I like your underwear!”

“I’m so glad buddy, now stand back up, ok?”

“But Mommy, it’s SO PRETTY. YOUR UNDERWEAR MOMMY. I LOVE IT. I LIKE THE PINK FLOWERS AND – ”

FLUSH.

I don’t know what house the moon is in right now, but I’m like all into sports lately. I turned on the US Open in the middle of the freakin’ day the other day. And then called Lorso at work several times to report on the progress of the playoff between that one guy and Tiger. “Uh, that one guy has E and Tiger is positive one. So…Tiger’s losing? I dunno, but IT’S SO INTENSE. There are injuries! Poignant commercials of Tiger with his late father! Slow motion montages of great plays set to dramatic music! People yelling ‘Get in the hole!’ It’s totally AWESOME.” All the while I’m downing pretzel Goldfish like a mug and trying to ignore my craving for cheap light beer.

Now there’s the whole NBA playoffs shindig, and though I’m not as much into that action, I watch it every night by default because we only have one place to sit in our house that’s not covered in crap and it’s in front of the TV. And Lorso would watch the NBA playoffs even if they started it so late at night that he had to stay up to the wee hours to see it and then go to work like a zombie the next day. OH WAIT.

But the NBA playoffs are cool too, mostly for these commercials. I think that dude is SO FUNNY. “Bink duh bink duh beedle ee bink buh dink BLAM! And there you are.” Now that’s funny right there. Makes up for the total blowout that the final game was. Poor commentators. It’s just no fun for them when that happens. They have to start talking about random stuff, just waiting for the game to end. And they always start spouting ridiculous statistics about stuff like, “You know, if the Celtics win today, it will be their 17th championship. And today’s date is the 17th of June. HOW CRAZY IS THAT.” Mind blowing stuff guys. Truly.

I’m cool with the anticlimactic final game shut out though, because that ensures one thing – tomorrow night I watch my SYTYCD in peace.

Not to take away from the truly good time I had with Bug on our trip or anything, but I totally need a major hiatus from my kid.

It’s actually because of the trip I think, that this is true. While we did get to spend five days together bonding, we also SPENT FIVE DAYS TOGETHER. And yesterday I was thinking back to that time and realized that that meant that every waking moment of the day (and most of the sleeping moments) except for two or three half-hour intervals when he played with someone in another room than me and the time he went to the Farmer’s Market with my mom and friend while I slept in until 9 he was at my side and I was on my parent-game.

And that was kind of fine when we were in new and different places and experiencing cool things together. But now we’re home and it just feels like he’s ALL UP IN MY GRILL ALL THE TIME. He seriously follows me from room to room and just stands near me while I do things. And I know that when I clean out the lint trap from the dryer it is a spectacle of grace and finesse that is a wonder to behold, but come on. I step on him constantly. He hugs me while I pee. DO YOU SEE WHY I AM A LITTLE TOUCHED OUT.

The main issue since we’ve been back is his seeming inability to sleep on his own. If he’s tired enough, he can fall asleep in his bed, but he’s in our bed by 11:30 sandwiched in between my BFF body pillow and Lorso, who clings to his side of the bed for dear life. Then the alarm wakes us and another Day of Glomming begins anew with my tank of reserve even lower than it was the morning before.

This is not working out so much.

So now we have to, like, parent and stuff at night. Like, be cognizant enough to have multiple teaching moments about sleep habits in the wee hours. Um, I thought we had paid those dues already, YO. I know, I know, this is probably one of those times where people say, “Oh, well that’s nature’s way – it’s like kids just know there’s a transition looming near and they help get you ready for that time coming up when you won’t be sleeping through the night anymore anyway!”

Wow, well that’s just super. Thanks a lot nature. YOU’RE A PEACH.