I have this new resolution that I am not going to have the laptop open during the day while Bug is around. This is mostly because I do not want him to think that we bow down to the god of Apple, although that is pretty much the case. Because of this new resolution, I am going to try to blog at night, because it is too stressful to try and pound a post out while Bug has his 45-minute quiet time. As this did not happen last night, I now have 15 minutes to impart my daily wisdom onto your screens. Ready? Ok, GO.

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Yesterday, Bug was outside with the Lorso walking backwards up the back yard when he must have reached some moment of clarity inside his head that he felt compelled to share:

“Dad, you see my green shirt?”

“Yep.”

“Well, if you see this green shirt, then you will know that it is me.”

“Okay.”

“But if you see a LOT of people that are wearing green shirts, then just remember that I am the one who is your CHILD.”

“That is stellar advice.”

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Bug’s negotiating skills need some serious honing. Except I don’t want him to get good at negotiating, actually. Because really, getting him to finish dinner is a snap when I tell him he has to eat 3 more bites and he says, “No, TEN more bites!”

Well, ok. I GUESS YOU CAN EAT TEN MORE.

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Let’s say, hypothetically, that you got back from your week-long beach trip and found out you had been given TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS in AmEx cards as a gift from the parents of the kids at the preschool where you work. I’m curious – after you said “Holy SHIT!” kind of too loud around your kid, what would you spend it on? More specifically, if you were ME, what would you spend it on? Because I definitely don’t have a shortage of ideas on what to spend money on, but narrowing it down is kind of a challenge, so I want to see if anyone can comes up with something so awesome that it trumps all my ideas. If your idea is gets chosen, I will mail you a piece of chocolate. Ok, ok, TWO pieces of chocolate. And I’ll kiss the envelope with lipstick. Unless you are related to me.

Time’s up – let the Apple be banished to its rightful corner!