Good Night, and Good Luck.

Reasons for Getting Out of Bed
(Each Warranting a Separate Trip to the Living Room):

“Mama, I’m going to sleep with my new Batman!” (Which he already had in his hands when I said goodnight.)

“Mama, my tummy hurts.” (Suspicious, but wait for it…)

“Mama, I have to poop on the big potty.” (And there you go.)

“Mama, I can’t sleep by myself.” (BUT YOU HAVE BATMAN.)

“Mama, I’m having bad dreams.” (That’s funny, I thought only sleeping people had dreams.)

“Mama, I need some ice water.” (No. Sleeping people don’t drink.)

“Mama, I have to pee pee.” (Dadgummit that’s legit. I’mproudofyouforgettingoutofbedto peenowthatyou’resleepinginbigboyunderweargoodjob. NOW GO TO BED.)

(Long pause! Silence! Victory is ours!)

Then a head pops around the corner…

“Mama! Today at school we read a book about pigs! And they were in underwear! It was SO SILLY.”

Well thank God you told me that. Otherwise I may not have been able to ENJOY MY EVENING.