The holding himself is a separate issue we’re working on. NOT THAT THAT’S YOUR BUSINESS, EITHER.

Recently I was standing in a coffee shop, MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS, when I heard someone going “Pssssssst! Psssssssst! PSSSSSSSSST!”

Naturally I did not turn around, because who answers a total stranger who psssts at you? (Here’s a clue: NOT ME.) Finally The Psssster said “HEY” and I turned to look. And also glare.

“Your boy has to go to the bathroom,” The Pssster said, pointing over at Bug, who was pushing a toy car around a table quietly. “I’m sorry?” I said, by which I meant “WTF did you just say to me about my own kid after psssssting at me for five minutes?”

“Your boy. He has to go. He’s holding himself,” The Pssster said with a great air of self righteousness.

“Hmmm, well, I think he’s ok, but thanks,” I said. (SEE HOW UNBEARABLY POLITE I AM.)

“Well, I’ve seen boys hold themselves like that and they always have to go to the bathroom,” she CONTINUED. I HOPE THE CAPS LOCK IS CONVEYING THE INDIGNATION I WAS FEELING AT THE TIME.

“Wow, really. That’s interesting. But I think he’s fine.” I turned pointedly back to what I was doing before she Psssssted Me Off.

“Well, alright. If you think so, then,” she said, with a totally unconvinced tone.

I decided it was time to leave.

And for the record, Bug didn’t need to go for another hour and a half. And when he did, he TOLD ME HIMSELF.

Because thats how he rolls, Psssster Lady.

3 comments

1 Ben { 04.16.08 at 11:23 am }

It’s a shame that holding oneself in the way that Bug does is not more socially acceptable. I mean, one’s member is a great thing to (be)hold. Maybe the Pssst Lady secretly wishes she could hold on to herself. Maybe she has Pssst Envy. Thank you Sigmund Freud.

2 Allen G. { 04.16.08 at 12:14 pm }

Girls need to itch and hold as much as guys do we just restrain ourselves until there is a diversion. BTW that’s hilarious that you bought a new microwave instead of cleaning your old one. Where can I buy a new kitchen?

3 racher { 04.16.08 at 2:44 pm }

Wow, I feel like I know both of you a little bit better now. But that’s what my blog is for – sharing.

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