Posts from — March 2008

We went to the zoo. With every single other child in Atlanta. And their strollers.

Here’s Bug having a blast on the zoo train:

Just before we left I thought, “Man, I feel bloated from lunch. And I’m so tired. I’m such a pansy.” And then I remembered for the first time all day that I’m GROWING A PERSON.

Good thing that light bulb came on before the afternoon “Monkey Margarita” break.

The other night I did a scandalous, scandalous thing and left my house to go out after Bug was in bed. It was wild, it was crazy, it was 45 minutes until closing when I got there. I went to the library.

I read books like they are food and I am the dying person that has been on a long trek through the desert. I devour them. This is great for casual reading, not so great for med school reading. It’s like my eyes are on speed – they can’t slow down. So I always seem to end up with the general gist of a book and no actual details. Again, a technique that works fine for magazines, but sucks for medical textbooks.

And I am conditioned to select books based on their jacket design, which means I read a lot of crap books. But I see a bright pink book with swirly script and a flower and I think “OOOOH, preeetty preeetty book!” And then after I check out I realize it’s some book called “Shoe Addicts Anonymous” or “1000 Reasons to Kiss a Boy” or some other heinous thing and I have to fight the irresistible urge to hide it under my shirt as I walk to the car.

Sometimes I’m smart though and I actually read the inside flap. This helps a lot. When I do this I’m saved from books that are summed up like this one that I picked up because it had a preeetty preetty picture of a woman looking out at the ocean on the front:

After Angelica Amante defied her wealthy parents wishes and married an illiterate Mexcian stable hand, Antonio Perez, she thought their love had overcome the biggest hurdle they would ever face. But just as Angelica throws herself into her work as a defense attorney, she discovers she is pregnant and her world is turned UPSIDE DOWN.

Man, that same situation JUST happened to me. It’s so weird how books can mirror life, isn’t it?

Anyway, while I won’t be reading any Tolstoy or Dickens anytime soon, I can give myself a modest goal. Check out more books WITHOUT a “Y” on the spine than books WITH a “Y” on the spine. Because “Y” stands for Young Adult, and when you’re pushing thirty, reading books called “Prom Anonymous” or “L8r G8r” just really isn’t acceptable. Unless you’ve JUST left med school and need a mental break. But a year later, you just need to stop. It’s become a sickness.

Now I’m going to get back to my novel, “Househusband”. Hey, it’s not Faulkner, but we’re talking baby steps here.

While I don’t feel debilitatingly sick in this first trimester of gestation, I do have waves of nausea that hit me at random and inconvenient times. Like all afternoon and evening. Blogging becomes difficult when you spend the time between lunch and dinner alternating between languishing on the couch (with a three year old laying on top of you) and prowling the kitchen trying to find something to quell the hunger that inevitably leads to nausea. Also not helping is the fact that when I feel queasy, I keep thinking about something I read in a book that is a natural remedy for morning sickness called “Nux vomica”. This is unhelpful because the word “vomica” kind of makes me want to vomica.

Last night I decided just to embrace my pregnant state and eat a bowl of pickles. Then I was disgusted with myself because I am SUCH A CLICHE. Then I ate a bowl of cereal.

Also disconcerting is the fact that my appetite for fast food is hanging around, unlike last time. With Bug, the thought of a cheeseburger made my stomach turn. Now it makes my car turn. Around to get a cheeseburger. I gained 48 pounds last time I was pregnant, and that’s not a record I am eager to shatter. Too bad, because from the look of things, this time I’m going for the gold.

And so that is all I have to say because now I need to go raid the cabinets to see if we have anymore mac and cheese. Or maybe olives. Or maybe both.

Things I Should Stop Doing, Like, Probably Yesterday:

1. Ignoring household chores. Like cleaning. And grocery shopping. And cooking.

2. Going to bed past 11 pm.

3. Sleeping until 7:30 am and trying to leave the house by 8:00 am.

3. Eating entire bags of jellybeans in one sitting.

4. Talking smack about that one girl at work who drives me BATSHIT.

5. Letting Bug watch full length Disney films in the afternoon just so I can sleep on the couch.

6. Writing my blog posts at the end of the day when I am the most tired and most needed by a small person who keeps saying “Mama, look at this. Mama. Mama. Mama, I want you. Mama. I PEE PEED ON THE FLOOR MAMA.”

Posting will be short today, as I Cannot Deal with Bug’s napless state. I made the mistake of buying him some new underwear that was too big and letting him try it on, which of course meant that then taking them off required the Jaws of Life and the patience of Job. I then had to endure 15 straight minutes of “I WANT THEM BACK! I WANT THEM BAAAAAACK!!” while fixing dinner and trying not to Lose My Shit.

How is this the same kid who this morning in the car said to me “Mama, I love you so much because you are growing a baby for me”?

How, I ask you? HOW.