Posts from — March 2008

“Hey Bugaboo, how was your day?”

“Good. Mama, I sat next to Melissa at lunch today.”

“That’s cool, what did you talk about?”

“Well, she asked me could she have one of my pretzels.”

“Did you give her one?”

“Well, I told her she could buy it from me.”

“Buy it from you? You didn’t just let her have one for free?”

“No, Mama. They are my pretzels.”

“Well, that’s true, but you can share your pretzels sometimes with your friends.”

“Well, but she can buy it.”

“You crazy kid, you’re going to make your friends buy your pretzels? For how much money?”

“Um, I think maybe forty one dollars.”

“Wow buddy, if that works out, you could be the family breadwinner.”

“Yeah.”

Right now I am sitting on the couch wearing a maternity shirt that is much too large for me mentally preparing for the time tonight when I will have to don a teeny tiny dress (a la Cindy Brady) to become the small girl character I am playing in one of my sketches. I look fairly ridiculous right now, but I look reeeeeally ridiculous in that dress. Several other members of the cast have told me that my belly really makes the costume look realistic because, I mean, little kids like, have that tummy that sticks out just like it, so it totally fits the part, you know?

Awesome. Except how to explain my giant ass?

The transition from home to show rehearsal back to home has been a jarring one really ever since the class started, but now it’s becoming even more bizarre. I change diapers and sing Old MacDonald during the morning, come home after lunch and do laundry and blog and watch Sesame Street, fix dinner, and then all of a sudden - BAM - I’m in a crazy wig playing a deranged chef who kills herself over a bad batch of guacamole. (Oooh sorry, spoiler alert.) Then it’s back home to pack a PB&J, pretzels and some applesauce into a bag for Bug’s lunch for the next day, brush my teeth, take my prenatal vitamins, and get a good night’s sleep.

It’s making me a little mental.

But really, the truth is I’m totally hopped up when I get home on the energy of the people and the laughter and the accents and the costumes of this fun ride. My time is really full, but it’s full of things that I chose to fill my life with - my family, the blog, the comedy class, my church, and my friends.

And I’ll be darned if it isn’t turning out to be a pretty good life.

This week is The Week of The Show, meaning that every night I will be out from around 6 until probably 11pm or so. Blogging is likely to suffer, but what can I say, I (and therefore you) must suffer for my art.

But today I want to enlighten you about something you probably did not know. You can predict the gender of your unborn children with a can of Drano and a jar of your pee. The great thing about this method is that it is both safe* and reliable*! Also, you can remember this fun experiment and use it later when your children are older and want to make a volcano in the back yard. Wheee!

*Totally not.

Easter morning + Snazzy new clothes + Easter baskets with candy + Flowers + Cookies and punch on the church lawn + Friends to run around with =

Lunchtime with a plateful of ham + Potato salad + Homemade macaroni and cheese + Green bean casserole + Fruit salad + A roll + Sweet tea + A honkin’ helping of strawberry shortcake =

Happy Easter.

The Ultimate Athlete

If you have a spare ten minutes to blow on fairly mindless internet crap (which, since you are checking my blog right now, I’m guessing you do) you should watch this episode recap of Ninja Warrior.

There are two things I’d like to say about it:

1. DUDE. That guy is amazing. When I get famous and make my millions, he is guy #1 I’m going to ask to be my bodyguard.

2. Also, as the clip goes on it becomes very clear that the commentator is TOTALLY LUSTING after this guy. This takes it to a whole other level of entertainment.