No skates for you!

If you want to see something totally hilarious, go check out your local church gym on a night when they have a Skate Night for kids 3-7. That’s 30-40 smallish kids trying desperately to stay on their feet but losing the battle every 20 seconds. Add to that your own kid, one of the smallest there, with adjustable pink Barbie skates as big as boats on each foot. “Mama, look at me!” he’ll say, and then face plant. This will repeat about 149 times. Add to that a pinched faced Skate Nazi who walks around the gym trying to dodge all the tiny bodies hurtling toward her and yelling in everyone’s face “Excuse me! Attention! It is MOVIE and SNACK time! Take your skates off RIGHT NOW!!” and then scurries away to go ration out the cookies and Kool-Aid Jammers like a Russian grocer. Top off the night with a Christian indoctrination “movie” Davey and Goliath: Happy Easter, in which Davey’s grandmother, who just the day before had been teaching him how to throw and catch a baseball, dies of old age and he must learn the hard but valuable lesson that Grandma is gone, but in three days she’ll be resurrected at the Easter play on the hill. In claymation.

And all of this entertainment can be yours for only $2.*

*Extra snacks not included – ONE BAG OF CHIPS PER KID, says Nazi.

February 9, 2008   1 Comment