Report: Productivity is down

Let’s take a little walk through history, or at least through the last two Januaries. (Hold up, can you put an “ie” on the end of January? I’m mildly disturbed by the sight of it.)

Anyhoo, I’m specifically harkening back to the last two January 12ths, i.e. Bug’s birthday. For the first birthday, Lorso was unavoidably out of town for three weeks, so I was a single parent with a not quite one year old trying to put together some sort of birthday shindig. (Yes, it sucked that Lorso missed the big 1 mark, but before you judge and name call him, know that he was going to have to be gone for the first three weeks of January either in 2005 or 2006 and he got to pick which. Think about that for a minute, and you’ll realize why he is a wise, wise man.) But even though I was so tired I would use shave gel to wash my hair and lather my face with shampoo in the shower, I was hellbent on making the Most Fabulous Cake Ever. Because I am a masochist, and also stupid. So I copied, of all things, a Martha Stewart cake pattern and made Bug a cake shaped like a giraffe. Ta da!:

giraffe cake

Butterscotch lollipop horns! Can you stand it!

When Bug turned two last year, I was on the verge of leaving medical school and so stressed out that I felt like I had live hamsters running around in my innards all the time. So, I did the only logical thing and made him a cake shaped like a car with fondant icing. Now that I think about it, it’s no wonder I quit medical school right after that. If you’re feeling at all overwhelmed with life, just make yourself a cake with fondant and you’ll go right over that edge. As a bonus, I made the car red, and discovered that adding food coloring to fondant is generally easier when you do it before it is a smooth hard shell. If you do it afterwards, you will discover that there is no way to spread the red throughout the icing without pouring it on top and rubbing it on quickly with your fingers before it all runs onto the kitchen counter and then you’ll have to attend your son’s party looking like you committed murder in cold blood with your bare hands just before the guests arrived. Festive! Or, stupid.
Ta da!:

car cake

And now the the big 3 is coming up. My stress levels are at a fraction of before, I have a husband who will be around to help plan the party, and I have enough free time that theoretically, I could make a cake shaped like the Taj Mahal. Or a cake in the shape of a bust of Bug. Or a volcano cake that spews chocolate and Red Hots.

But instead I’m going to go out and buy a giant cookie from the grocery store that says “Happy Birthday Bug” in white icing. And stick a big “3” candle on top of it. And that is all.

Mmmm. Sounds deliciously ironic.


1 awgraha { 01.10.08 at 7:44 pm }

First , any recipe that references a soft-ball stage is a-ok in my book
Second, the other day I actually got a little excited thinking about what shape this years cake was going to be. Then I reminded myself that Bug’s b-day is, in fact, not about me.

2 allison { 01.10.08 at 7:55 pm }

I demand having a giant cookie shaped cake. Made out of cookie. Actually, I demand one for TOMORROW, as it is, in fact, MY birthday.


3 Anjie { 01.10.08 at 9:04 pm }

cookie cake rocks! and…is the answer for chins that they hold our bottom jaws? i don’t know either.

4 Rebekah { 01.11.08 at 11:20 am }

We have chins so that we don’t look ridiculous . . . . and to hold our teeth so that we can eat deliciously easy cookie cakes and celebrate 3 years of Bug’s life!

5 Jill { 01.12.08 at 8:42 pm }

Now you’re getting the hang of the whole parenting thing. And you’re still on your first kid, too. A quick learner, you are. :-)

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