You work on commission? YOU’RE KIDDING.

“Hey there pretty lady! And who’s this handsome man with you? You a fine looking young man, aren’t you. Got the ladies all over you. How can I help you out today? We’ve got great deals on armchairs and throw rugs, and I’m telling only you this, because I like the look of you, this dining set right here is the best deal in the store. A steal. I wanted to stop you before and tell you but you were on the phone and I didn’t want to be rude and interrupt, you know? But I thought you should know because you look like nice people. And if you want delivery right to your house, well that’s only $99 for you today. Or, if you want – you have beautiful eyes, by the way, I didn’t notice until just now because you were looking down, but damn, those are something! – anyway, you can bring your own truck and then you and your husband can unload it yourself at home. I know you got yourself a big strong husband, from the looks of you. You just looking? You sure you don’t need help? What about you little man? You want to get something nice for your mama? No? Well then how ’bout a lollipop? I got one right here for you. Banana flavor. (sidenote: GROSS) I know you like that candy. You so cute. Goochie goo! (sidenote: dude, he’s THREE) Alright, well I’m not gonna lie, I’m hurt you don’t need my help. I’m just gonna go over here and cry a little bit. Promise me if you come back you’ll come see me? Tell you what, here’s my card. You look me up next time. Name’s Lincoln. Like the car. Like the president. I’m on money, baby.” *wink*

4 comments

1 bebe { 01.09.08 at 8:10 pm }

When I get a sales person like this, I refuse to buy anything just on principle.Geez, talking about laying it on thick! Does he really think it works?!

2 Anjie { 01.09.08 at 8:45 pm }

UGH!

3 Melinda { 01.09.08 at 10:54 pm }

Everytime I tried to buy furniture for my new house I got “that guy.” I wish I had a solution. My best suggestion: Watch out for the guy who promises to “take care of everything, and that certainly includes carting away your college futon,” and then when whatever you ordered is delivered you (or in my case, my poor dad) get stuck having to drag the old futon to the dumpster.

4 Don Mills Diva { 01.10.08 at 11:01 am }

This guy is wasting his talent in sales – he should do stand-up!

Leave a Comment