A year and a dream

It’s getting close to the one year mark of The Day I Left Medical School. It wasn’t nearly as dramatic as Putting It All In Capital Letters makes it seem, but in my head it was. Mostly because on the day I left, I was the only one who knew I was leaving for good.

I remember looking around the auditorium during what I knew would be my last class (I had scheduled a meeting with the dean immediately afterwards) and mentally saying goodbye to the people there. “Goodbye, girl who asks a million questions. Goodbye, last row cool kids. Goodbye weird girl who brings up totally inappropriate comments in the middle of lecture. Goodbye hot guy in class who is way too young for me and besides I’m married.” And then class ended and I walked out.

A few weeks ago my former class had their last big exam of the semester, and I suppose I was thinking about them a lot, because I had a dream that included several them. Apparently we were all in the same wedding party and were suited up and ready to go down the aisle, but they were freaking out because the wedding was at the same time as their test and they didn’t know how they were going to do both things at once. Then all of a sudden some proctors came in to save the day and had them take the practical part of their test (using their doctor tools and such) right there in the narthex of the church or wherever we were. I remembered saying in the dream that I was really jealous that they were almost to the really good part of med school where they got to be with patients. And then I woke up. And I felt sad, because that’s how I feel in real life, too.

But then Bug said “I’m gonna use the potty!” and he did. It was the first time he had voluntarily gone first thing in the morning. Afterwards he walked into the kitchen in front of me and said “I’ll turn on the light!” And he reached up, and he turned it on. He’d never been tall enough to do that before.

And I was there to see those things.

And I wasn’t so sad anymore.

4 comments

1 Don Mills Diva { 01.05.08 at 6:21 pm }

What a lovely, poignant post – just great. Everyone is different aren’t they? I am just in the middle of writing my next post about how I feel I have to work in order to be my best as a mother and yet I totally feel you on your decision to leave school. BTW I added you to my blogroll, ’cause I really think more people should know about this site.

2 Jill { 01.06.08 at 12:36 am }

Wow. Good stuff, great perspective. I love knowing you. :-)

3 Patrick { 01.07.08 at 6:12 pm }

“Mostly because on the day I left, I was the only one who knew I was leaving for good.”
What a line, my friend. It is amazing how all of us have such experiences and yet feel the need to convince others that it is not over yet. I remember pretending it was a hard decision to leave teaching, but the truth is I knew all along I was supposed to be elsewhere.
My favorite post yet, mom.

4 Leigh Ann { 01.07.08 at 8:32 pm }

from time to time i wonder if not fininishing nursing school and not working somehow make me a lazy or unfit mother. when i read your line of how bug could reach the light switch i almost cried. because somehow, all of a sudden, sera is no longer this little girl. she dresses herself, makes her own bed, and is begining to write. and like you said, i was here to see all those things and more.

man, i miss you!

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