Posts from — December 2007

I am trying ultra hard not to fling myself with abandon onto this very couch I am sitting on and surrender to delicious, delicious sleep. There’s just TOO. MUCH. TO. DO.

But I am not going to bore you into the tedium of my to-do list (clean up all of Christmas, shop and pack for 7 day cruise, prepare house to be vacant for 10 days, oh yeah, and plan a birthday party for immediately when we get back) but instead, TA-DA! I am going to give you a Christmas present!

TO: Internet
FROM: Rachel

I was going to take a 7 day hiatus from the blog, because I am lazy about figuring out really simple things like how to edit a timestamp on a post so that it appears on a certain day, but then by accident I figured it out! Because that’s how I do things. So then I decided that I would just go ahead and write seven blog entries, timestamp them, and let them post away while I am in the tropics.

Sorry if what you really wanted was an iPod. This is all you’re getting.

Happy happy Christmas to you all.

We’re waiting on Lorso to bring our food to the table at Boston Market, so I strike up a conversation with Bug.

“Bug, guess what day is coming soon? Like in two days?”

He grins and looks at me slyly. “Tuesday!”

“Well, yes, Tuesday, but what day will it be? What special day?”

“Christmas Day!”

“That’s right, and what happens on Christmas?”

I am fully expecting, and really, sort of fishing for him to say “We get presents!” so that we can have a happy moment of excitement about that.

Instead, in breathless wonder he says, “Jesus! Baby Jesus is born on Christmas Day!”

It’s enough to make me want to scoop him up and eat him.

Instead I continue on, thinking that the reminder that we also get presents will really send his little kid circuits into an excited frenzy and I say, “That’s right! And what do we do on Christmas Day?”

“We give people presents,” he says. Simple as that.

Merry Christmas to me.

Call me unexpectedly at 7PM on a FRIDAY on my CELL PHONE.

Rrrrrrriiiiiiing (Yes, my cell phone actually sounds like that. I am that boring.)

“Hi Rachel! This is Doctor R., you came in last week for your cold and for a strep test?”

“Oh, um, yeah. Yeah, that was me. I was there. I came in. Yeah.”

“Well your strep test was negative, of course, and that’s why we didn’t call you Monday, but…Oh, hold on………..”

(At this point I am 100% sure that she is going to get back on that phone after the Most Horribly Timed Pause in the History of the World and say, “So like I said, your strep test was negative, but just on a hunch I did some more tests and discovered that you actually have MAD COW DISEASE. You should start to go insane in about 30 minutes or so. So sorry! Have a nice week/life.”)

So my heart is giving my blood the ride of its life when she finally gets back on and says, “Anyway, so your strep test was negative, but I just wanted to call and check on you and see how you’re doing!”

Oh, I was great, UNTIL YOU JUST TOOK TEN YEARS OFF MY LIFE.

“Oh! Um, yeah, I feel fine. I mean, I still have a little cough, but it’s not bad. So. Yeah. I feel fine. Thanks. That was really nice of you to call. (EXCEPT THAT NOW MY BLOOD PRESSURE IS 200 OVER 300).”

“Ok! Glad you’re better. Happy Holidays!”

“Yeah, Happy Holidays.”

Click.

First of all, because it’s an Indigo Girls song. And they’re pretty much awesome.

And second of all, because it’s a cinch to edit out any swear words by yelling “EARMUFFS” really loud. Thank you Vince Vaughn in Old School.