No. 1 way for a doctor to Freak Me Out

Call me unexpectedly at 7PM on a FRIDAY on my CELL PHONE.

Rrrrrrriiiiiiing (Yes, my cell phone actually sounds like that. I am that boring.)

“Hi Rachel! This is Doctor R., you came in last week for your cold and for a strep test?”

“Oh, um, yeah. Yeah, that was me. I was there. I came in. Yeah.”

“Well your strep test was negative, of course, and that’s why we didn’t call you Monday, but…Oh, hold on………..”

(At this point I am 100% sure that she is going to get back on that phone after the Most Horribly Timed Pause in the History of the World and say, “So like I said, your strep test was negative, but just on a hunch I did some more tests and discovered that you actually have MAD COW DISEASE. You should start to go insane in about 30 minutes or so. So sorry! Have a nice week/life.”)

So my heart is giving my blood the ride of its life when she finally gets back on and says, “Anyway, so your strep test was negative, but I just wanted to call and check on you and see how you’re doing!”

Oh, I was great, UNTIL YOU JUST TOOK TEN YEARS OFF MY LIFE.

“Oh! Um, yeah, I feel fine. I mean, I still have a little cough, but it’s not bad. So. Yeah. I feel fine. Thanks. That was really nice of you to call. (EXCEPT THAT NOW MY BLOOD PRESSURE IS 200 OVER 300).”

“Ok! Glad you’re better. Happy Holidays!”

“Yeah, Happy Holidays.”

Click.

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