Two strange and kind of related facts about my kid

THING ONE

Bug has a serious car fetish. He loves him some cars. But one thing Bug cannot tolerate is when real cars park on grass. It hurts him in his very soul. Whenever we encounter cars that are participating in this disgusting habit, Bug cannot focus on any other thing until we have picked apart the psyche of the obviously mentally unstable person who could allow such a thing to happen. “Mama, that car is on the grass! Why people park they cars on the grass? I don’t like it when people park cars on grass.” Even the Holy Grail of cars, the Volkswagen Beetle is not immune to his hatred of grass-parkage. “Look, Bug! A Beetle!” we say excitedly as we pass one parked in a yard. But he just looks solemnly at the tragedy before him and then turns away, the clear implication being that Beetle or not, that car is on the grass and therefore IT IS DEAD TO HIM.

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THING TWO

Bug is a Rule Lover. I have no idea where he got this trait from (OMG HIS DAD).

Want Bug to do something? Just utter the words “It’s A Rule” and the deal is sealed like magic. When this stops working, I will cry.

But rule adoration is also why Bug luuuuurvs school. They have rules! Rules with colors! They sing a song every day to the tune of “Wheels on the Bus” called “The Color Rules”. Ex: “The Blue rule says use your inside voice” or “The purple rule says to listen well….all through the day”. You’d better believe he had that thing memorized the first day.

So now of course any time I come up with a rule at home, Bug asks “But what color is it?” We’ve invented the Silver rule (share your toys with your friends), the Brown rule (don’t play with the bathroom light) and my favorite, the White rule (don’t play with balloons in the kitchen).

In my fantasies, these color rules will continue indefinitely, even after all color choices run out, and Bug will be a teenager living under the iron fist of The Paisley Rule (the door stays open when girls are in your room) and The Plaid Rule (don’t return the car with an empty tank of gas).

I may have discovered the key to parenting success.

2 comments

1 Rachel D { 12.14.07 at 9:09 pm }

Hee…the brown rule.

2 allison { 12.15.07 at 11:09 pm }

I am curious about the evolution of the White Rule.

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