Don’t even get me started on what happens when I can’t find my Chapstick.

Bug was finally in bed last night, and the Lorso had a project to work on, which left me a couple of blissful, quiet hours to spend time with my best friend, the Internet. But when I plopped down on the couch and opened the laptop, instead of good times perusing You Tube and laughing with the Fuggers, I got a Dear John letter. It went like this:

Not Found.
You are not connected to the Internet. The server may be busy, or down for maintenance.
Please try again in a few moments.

I laughed, kind of nervously, and thought, “Silly Internet, always joking!” and tried it again. BUT NO. The internet was broken.

I seriously think I sat there for about 10 minutes in a daze, not really knowing what I should do. Then I told the Lorso to fix it (and I don’t know what they’re teaching over there at that seminary, but apparently repairing complicated computer issues isn’t it). Then I called the internet provider, which “due to technical difficulties” couldn’t take my call at that time.

Then I got kind of twitchy and paced around the living room, muttering to myself. “No internet? No internet. No internet? No internet!” In my head, I think I decided that doing such ridiculous things as watching TV, say, or reading a book would be admitting I had given up hope that the Internet and I could rekindle our relationship, so I sat vigilant at the monitor, sorting through old photos and playing Marble Blast (who knew our Mac had games?) so that I could keep checking to see if it was working. After half an hour, I finally folded it shut in desolation. I found a book, sighed, gave the laptop one last woeful glance, and opened the book up.

I read for a while, and incredulously I found that I was relaxed, cozy, and quieted for bedtime in a pleasant way I hadn’t expected. I thought, “You know, I really am spending too much time on that computer. It must have been a sign that I needed a break. Yes. I am a better person now, after this lesson! I will go to bed – early! – and for once not have the busy thoughts of the World Wide Web on my mind as I drift into a dreamless sleep.”

I got ready for bed, and as I went to get in, I decided to open the computer one last time, you know, for old time’s sake. “We have some good times, don’t we Internet,” I said, uh, in my head, not out loud like a crazy person would. “But I’ve decided that we should spend a little more time apart now. It’s really better for me, and – WAIT A SECOND!!! THE INTERNET’S BACK UP, LORSO! IT WORKS! HOT DAMN, WE’RE COOKING WITH GAS NOW!!” The book was flung aside, and I spent the next hour and a half, perusing my heart out.

Eh, early bedtimes are overrated anyway.


1 Rebekah { 12.04.07 at 4:32 pm }

who said you could write stories about my life on your blog?!?

2 Bean { 12.04.07 at 5:10 pm }

Rachel always asks me to fix the internet, too. I tell her I only got a 3 on the computer ord, but she’ll have none of it.

3 adamjcopeland { 12.05.07 at 8:18 am }

In Scotland, when the internet goes down you get the privilege of waiting on hold for hours to speak to a polite Indian who can’t do a thing about it except log your complaint. Our internet was down for a week, yes, A WEEK! After five days, I quit my job and decided to fly home to a civilized country with internet. But then I couldn’t book a flight because I didn’t have internet. So I’m still stuck here. On the upside, the UK boasts more cell phones than people so they can phone each other to complain about not having internet.

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