An open letter to all asshole drivers
Dear Jerks,
Sorry to interrupt your cell phone conversation, but if you don’t mind, I’d really appreciate it if you wouldn’t lay on your horn for half an hour to try to get me to turn in front of the oncoming semi as I sit in front of you with my blinker on. I know you are in a hurry. However, the way the world works is, if I’m in front, I get to decide when to go. Maybe someday when you have a small human being in your car whose life you’d kind of like to protect, you might make the same cautious choices that I do. Until then, kindly shut the hell up.
Sincerely,
ME
5 comments
Right on!
it is for times like these that i would like to have at least a marshmellow shooter on the top of my car. it wouldn’t hurt anything, but maybe a marshmellow splatted on their windshield would startle them into shutting up. or, they would shoot me. one or the other.
Yeah, in theory that sounds great, except that the marshmallows would probably be stored inside the car and so I would go to use it and be all, “Damn! I ate all the marshmallows again!” It would need to shoot something non edible, like boogers or spitballs or something.
Ah, you are in need of my Airhorn of Justice! I carry it in my car always for just such an occasion.
Amen! You’re awesome, you’re becoming my hero
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