Posts from — November 2007

It’s the last day of NaBloPoMo, but instead of writing a celebratory post and all of that, I’m going to have to be short so I can go take care of Bug.

My sick kid radar was peaked first when he was kind of draggy after school, but then when I told him we were going to the bank on the way home where he could get a lollipop, and he said he didn’t want one, I knew this kid was fever-ridden. Nothing like the refusal of sugar to make all your mom-alarms go off.

Go out and do something fun for me this weekend, why dontcha?

As Posh says, “Lay-ahs!” (what, you don’t quote Posh?)

Yesterday morning was fraught with hilarity, I tell you. Fraught. I could recount it wittingly, except that it happened, like, 30 hours ago, so let’s get real about my memory capabilities. Instead, I’ll give highlights:

Bug had oatmeal for the very first time, and he kept calling it “hot cereal” or “hot breakfast” which made him sound like a Hobbit.

He picked out his own clothes, which is always good for a laugh. He picks out his short sleeved Hawaiian shirt first every time. Thirty degrees? Who cares! He’s the real Panama Jack!

The Lorso got something ready for me that I take to work every day and had Bug bring it to me. I gave him a kiss and said, “Give that to Daddy and tell him it’s from me.” Bug went back to the kitchen, looked at the Lorso and said, “Mama says thanks.” And left.

He fell for the age old gag - when told, “Say bye, Bug” he yelled to the Lorso, “BYE BUG!”

Also, he put on his own hat:

…and wore it that way all the way to school and into his class. Proudly.

Man, I love that kid.

It’s a beautiful, clear, blue-skied day.

I held a baby with pink eye this morning for about 20 minutes, and now my eye itches.

The Lorso, Bug and I all got to spend the morning together, getting ready for work and school while listening to A Charlie Brown Christmas.

My house is a mess. Again.

Bug has reached a new level of hilarity today, making me laugh several times.

I had to pay an overdue library fine….

…but then I checked out Say Anything, which I’m pretty sure will make up for that.

I already had today’s post planned, but it included a picture I took this morning and I left my camera AT WORK. Hence, this list.

I ran into an old family friend and she was properly shocked and all aghast that I was almost 30.

I am having a bad hair day.

I found a dollar in the trash can.

We’re so poor that finding a dollar in the trash can is a REALLY BIG DEAL.

One of the teachers at my school got a jacket as a gift and it was too small so she gave it to me.

Then she commented later that it looked like a middle schooler’s jacket.

Tomorrow, I will wear said jacket and ROCK IT.

I have lost all of my completed Scrabble games on Facebook. (One was to the LORSO. Damn him!)

In my new Scrabble game with the Lorso, I just played a 50 point word. Booyah.

Lorso is getting home late tonight and his scooter had a flat tire, costing us money to fix. I am not convinced that this is not related to me laying it down.

I FIT INTO MY SKINNY JEANS TODAY.

Good wins.

When I joined NaBloPoMo, I noticed that I had a harder time coming up with a post each day for a while. True, I already posted daily, but since I was now being watched and there were prizes on the line, my brain turned to oatmeal and I was incapable of stringing more than two words together in any kind of coherent way.

Now I’ve gone and joined BlogHer and it happened all over again. It was a combination of the anxiety of being in a new group of really good women bloggers who could potentially be reading my blog, and the fact that I now have four posts left until successfully completing my first month of NaBloPoMo. My life promptly became unfunny and uninteresting. No one pissed me off, grossed me out or said anything ludicrous. I didn’t injure myself or get a ticket, AND I made a successfully edible dinner for friends.

Like I said, THERE WAS NOTHING TO BLOG ABOUT.

And then I decided to reshape my eyebrows. Trust me to come through in a pinch!

I should have a sign on every mirror in the house (and in the car) that says “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WOMAN - PUT DOWN THE TWEEZERS.” Because eyebrows, while they may not seem that important, TOTALLY ARE.

I know this now. Now that it’s TOO LATE. DO YOU SEE HOW THIS IS MAKING ME TYPE IN ALL CAPS.

Anyway, I decided it was time for some grooming north of my eyeballs, and since the Lorso and I are pinching pennies, going to a salon to get someone competent to wax my eyebrows was not an option. So I got out my little silver beauties and went to town. In my head, my thoughts were something like this:

“Hmmm, now what needs to go first? Well, that whole acre can go, since eyebrows should technically arch, or so I’ve heard. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Let me just grab a bunch at once, that will be faster. OWWWWW. FUCK. (see, this is in my head, so me saying Fuck is OK.) Ok, that’s a little better. Now the left eye. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Alright, let me stand back and see my masterpieces. Uh-oh. I look permanently intrigued. I can fix that…just a few more here….then a few more here…there. Look again - ooooh, no. A couple of those were definitely Crucial Load-Bearing Hairs. Wait, what was it I read in that magazine a few years ago? Brush the brows up and then use scissors to cut the extra length? I bet that will do the trick! Ok, comb up, and sniiiiip. CAREFUL! Shit. Well, let me comb them back down, and…SWEET JESUS THERE’S A BIG GAPING HOLE IN MY EYEBROW. Crap. What was I thinking using SCISSORS? Who uses scissors on their eyebrows?? Stupid me, that’s who. Wait, I think I can fix it if I just tweeze right here….”

Sadly, it took me a few more minutes to actually stop. A stronger, braver blogger who was not such a delicate flower would actually post a picture of the mutilation, but I have been clear from the beginning that I am a pansy with low self esteem. But just take any picture of a woman, white out the center of her right eyebrow and most of the width of both eyebrows, and voila. No need for a picture from me.

It’s kind of comforting to know, though, that when you are a bumbling idiot, you will always have blog material.

I’m going to let someone else be entertaining for me today, because I had a rather bad sleepless night last night and am feeling kind of low and down other such SAD AND DEPRESSING THINGS. Hooray! Don’t you love reading my blog! It’s the quicker picker upper!

Anyway, particularly funny to me in this link is the part under Sad Kid/Weird Kid. Also, anyone who can use Dick Cheney’s name as a swear word is funny in my book.

P.S. If you are checking out my blog for the first time, Hi! How are you? Glad you’re here. Feel free to skip this post and see below for other more normal, actually thought out posts. Thanks and have a nice day.